IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009.

The bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009.
#bar #shares #expenditures #five #categories #states #canada #kingdom #japan #year
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The vertical chart makes
comparison
Add an article
a comparison
the comparison
show examples
 between
five
Use synonyms
 different countries, namely the United
States
Use synonyms
,
Canada
Use synonyms
, and the United Kingdom about their expenditure on
five
Use synonyms
 categories in 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all
five
Use synonyms
 countries allocated most of their budget
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 housing,
while
Linking Words
 the reverse was true for Health care. In detail, in terms of the amount of money that expenditures on Food, the figure for Japan was the highest at 23%,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest was observed in the United
States
Use synonyms
 at 13%.The proportion of expenditures for Food
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the United Kingdom was over 20%, which
higher
Add a missing verb
is higher
show examples
 than that in the figure
Use synonyms
Canada
Change preposition
in Canada
show examples
 by 6%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the United
States
Use synonyms
 allocated more than 25% of their budget
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 housing, followed by the United Kingdom, Japan and
Canada
Use synonyms
 at 24%, 22% and approximately 20% respectively. When it comes to transportation, there was 17% of
money
Add an article
the money
show examples
 that the United
States
Use synonyms
 spent on,
whereas
Linking Words
Canada
Use synonyms
 spent 20% on their amount of money which is twice as much as in the figure for Japan. Health care and Clothing witnessed only a fraction in the proportion of expenditures by all
five
Use synonyms
 countries, which
around
Add a missing verb
is around
show examples
 3% to 7% for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Health care and 4% to 6% for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Clothing.
Submitted by phongnguyenthanh630 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words five, states, canada with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: