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Band 5

As global trade increases, many goods including those we use on a daily basis are produced in other countries and have to be transported long distance.  Do the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?

#trade #increases #goods #basis #countries #distance #trend
The benefits of
this
 trend do not outweigh the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a large
extend
Replace the word
extent
show examples
.
Firstly
, it leads to a harmful effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our environment. When goods need to be transported
to
Change preposition
over
show examples
 a long distance, a large amount of carbon footprint is produced. The carbon footprint is defined as the harmful gas
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
produce
Wrong verb form
produced
show examples
 during the transportation process
such
 as
airplane
Fix the agreement mistake
airplanes
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 and
truck
Fix the agreement mistake
trucks
show examples
, which
bring
Verb problem
have
show examples
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our environment. The more
good
Fix the agreement mistake
goods
show examples
 we import from other
countries
, the more carbon footprint we produce.
Therefore
, when a large
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
amount of daily basis
such
 as clothing and food
are relied
Change to the active voice
rely
have relied
show examples
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
transportation from other
countries
, it
would result
Wrong verb form
results
show examples
 in damaging our environment.
Secondly
, it leads to an uneven distribution of
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
. The production process of the good is usually conducted in developing
countries
while
 the purchasing of good is most likely to
appeared
Change the form of the verb
appear
show examples
 in developed
countries
. Many multinational
corperators
Correct your spelling
corporations
corporators
cooperators
 have set the production factories in developing
countries
 as there is
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
inadequate legislation for protecting labor
right
Replace the word
rights
show examples
. To
maximum
Replace the word
maximise
show examples
 the profit, they may pay a low salary to the labour with a long working
hour
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hours
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. The
labours
Correct your spelling
labourers
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are suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
 from unequal treatment.
On the other hand
, most developed
countries
 have
assessted
Correct your spelling
assessed
asserted
 that the prices for importing
good
Fix the agreement mistake
goods
show examples
 are much lower
that
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 the cost of setting up
industrial
Add an article
an industrial
the industrial
show examples
 factory.
Therefore
, the
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
 promotes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
imported goods and
set
Wrong verb form
sets
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prices at
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
low
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
.
Labours
Correct your spelling
Labourers
show examples
 in developing
countries
 work in sweat
factory
Fix the agreement mistake
factories
show examples
 to earn a low salary,
while
 citizens in developed
countries
 enjoy the imported goods at a low price, leading to an uneven distribution of
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
.
Although
 the
increaing
Correct your spelling
increasing
 trend of imported
good
Fix the agreement mistake
goods
show examples
 has
bring
Change the verb form
brought
show examples
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
show examples
 to our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, it leads to environmental
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 and uneven distribution of resources.
Therefore
, the benefits of
this
 trend do not outweigh the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a large
extend
Replace the word
extent
show examples
.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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task response
Include a clear thesis statement in the introduction to clearly state your position on the topic.
task response
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your points.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range
Try to vary your sentence structures and use more complex grammar constructions.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a logical progression of ideas and maintain coherence throughout the essay.
task response
Include a clear thesis statement in the introduction to clearly state your position on the topic.
task response
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your points.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range
Try to vary your sentence structures and use more complex grammar constructions.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a logical progression of ideas and maintain coherence throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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