IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

You brought mobile phone from wallmart store recently it is no longer working properly write a letter to the manager

#phone #wallmart #store #manager
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
 letter to inform you that, I purchased a mobile
phone
 from the store and it is not functioning properly.
Last
 Friday, I went to the store and I found
exciting
Add an article
an exciting
the exciting
show examples
 deal on
iPhone
Correct article usage
an iPhone
show examples
 12 pro max with a 25% discount for Walmart members. I have been a Walmart member since 2019. I planned to buy a new cell
phone
 for myself as my previous
phone
 wasn't working fine. I started using the
phone
 after next day after my purchase, The first two days it was functioning really well and two days later I started having issues, The
Phone
 was working really slowly and It was getting off by itself. I tried to restart it but still having the same issues. I hope you will understand the situation and revert me back at your earliest convenience. Yours Faithfully, Parth Vasani
Submitted by parthvasani4974 on

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task response
Ensure that the explanation of the issue with the mobile phone is clear and detailed to fully address the task prompt. Provide more information about the specific issues with the phone and how it has impacted you. Focus on addressing the task prompt directly.
coherence and cohesion
The greeting and closing are appropriate, but the structure and organization of the content could be improved. Use clear paragraphing to separate different points and ensure a logical flow of information.
lexical resource
The vocabulary and terminology used are generally appropriate, but consider using a wider range of vocabulary and more precise and descriptive language to express the issues with the phone and the impact on you.
grammatical range
There are some errors in sentence structure, verb tense, and use of articles. Review the grammatical accuracy and aim for more varied sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammar.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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