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Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
Although
 some
students
 in universities aspire to study not only their primary
subjects
 but
also
 different
ones
, others think spending whole their time and focusing on studying for a qualification is more significant. I believe it is much more vital for university
students
 to study diverse
subjects
 not only specific
ones
. Allocating all time
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 studying
for gaining
Change preposition
to gain
show examples
 a qualification has negative effects on
students
’ possibilities.
To begin
 with, they are likely to gain a narrower range of their knowledge. Take,
for example
,
hospitality
 management. If
students
 learn about
only
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
hospitality
 management, it is much easier to get a job related to
hospitality
.
But
Correct word choice
However
show examples
 it is difficult to broaden their job prospects because they are familiar with only
hospitality
.
However
, learning about other
subjects
as well as
students
’ major
ones
 can have positive impacts on them.
This
 experience helps them broaden their perspective. Having diverse thoughts is one of the most
essectial
Correct your spelling
essential
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
show examples
to live
Change preposition
of living
show examples
 in today’s society and
students
 who have
such
 thoughts tend to be seen as
invaluable
Add an article
an invaluable
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
Furthermore
, it may be much easier to deal with a variety of difficulties which
students
 face. For example,
students
 who had studied marketing
in addition
 to
hospitarity
Correct your spelling
hospitality
 support
hotel’s
Change noun form
hotel
show examples
 sales by using their marketing skills. In conclusion, spending all
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
show examples
 learning for
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
qualification can lead to
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
students
’ job prospects,
while
 focusing on other
subjects
except
Change preposition
than
show examples
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
ones
 can enhance their values.
Submitted by mr.kankan70717 on

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are unclear and lack depth. Aim to provide a clear and comprehensive introduction and conclusion that encapsulate your main points.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a partial response to the task. It lacks depth and does not effectively address the full range of the prompt. Ensure to provide a complete and comprehensive response to all aspects of the prompt.
lexical resource
The use of vocabulary is limited, and there is room for improvement in expressing ideas using a wider range of words and phrases. Aim to enrich your vocabulary to convey your ideas more effectively.
grammatical range
While the essay demonstrates basic grammatical range and control, there are instances of grammatical errors. Strive to enhance your grammatical accuracy and fluency to convey your ideas more effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
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