Some people believe that professional athletes serve as positive role models for young people, while others argue that their behaviour both on and off the field, can have negative influences. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Role
models
have both advantages and disadvantageous on their followers. Some
people
think that professional
athletes
are good
role
models
for
youngsters
.
However
, others believe that whether inside or outside the field they
impact
negatively. I strongly agree with the positive influences of professional
athletes
as
role
models
.
Athletes
can be great
role
models
for
youngsters
. They can inspire young
people
to have perseverance in their lives in order to achieve their goals.
Also
, athlete's healthy lifestyles can encourage youners to have a healthy diet and regular exercise.
Furthermore
, the teamwork spirit in
athletes
is a good example for young
people
to develop their cooperation skills.
As a result
, the young generation can benefit from taking
athletes
as their
role
models
not only physically but
also
mentally.
On the other hand
,
athletes
can have a negative
impact
as
role
models
for
youngsters
. Unrealistic expectations
impact
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
athletes
' lifestyles
are
Correct word choice
and are
show examples
dangerous for the young generation. Young
people
believe that it is easy to get famous and wealthy.
Consequently
, after many attempts, they feel disappointment and depression. Some
athletes
' moral issues ,
for example
, addiction to drugs or drinks are another negative
impact
on
youngsters
.
However
, it can be good for young
people
to understand that it is not easy to reach your ambitions.
Youngsters
need to know that
athletes
are human and human makes mistakes. If they quit drugs or drinking they will be a good example for younger to find out they can fix everything too. In conclusion, it is true that some
athletes
as
role
models
have a negative
impact
on
youngsters
, but they can
also
correct their mistakes. There are more positive features in
athletes
'
role
models
than negative ones.
Submitted by looordomid on

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Task Response
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides a clear opinion at the end. However, the introduction could be more engaging and the conclusion could summarize the main points more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure is fairly clear, but the essay would benefit from stronger transitions between ideas. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices could be improved to better connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a good command of vocabulary with a range of appropriate lexical choices. However, more variety in sentence structures and a wider range of vocabulary could enhance the lexical resource.
Grammatical Range
The essay shows good control of grammar and punctuation, but there are some instances of lack of subject-verb agreement and use of inappropriate tenses. A wider variety of complex structures and more accurate use of grammar features would enhance the grammatical range.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • role models
  • behaviour
  • field
  • positive influences
  • negative influences
  • hard work
  • dedication
  • discipline
  • determination
  • healthy lifestyle
  • fitness
  • perseverance
  • challenges
  • teamwork
  • collaboration
  • controversial behavior
  • substance abuse
  • legal issues
  • materialism
  • excessive spending
  • responsibility
  • accountability
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