IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that professional athletes serve as positive role models for young people, while others argue that their behaviour both on and off the field, can have negative influences. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Role
Use synonyms
models
Use synonyms
 have both advantages and disadvantageous on their followers. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that professional
athletes
Use synonyms
 are good
role
Use synonyms
models
Use synonyms
 for
youngsters
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, others believe that whether inside or outside the field they
impact
Use synonyms
 negatively. I strongly agree with the positive influences of professional
athletes
Use synonyms
 as
role
Use synonyms
models
Use synonyms
.
Athletes
Use synonyms
 can be great
role
Use synonyms
models
Use synonyms
 for
youngsters
Use synonyms
. They can inspire young
people
Use synonyms
 to have perseverance in their lives in order to achieve their goals.
Also
Linking Words
, athlete's healthy lifestyles can encourage youners to have a healthy diet and regular exercise.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the teamwork spirit in
athletes
Use synonyms
 is a good example for young
people
Use synonyms
 to develop their cooperation skills.
As a result
Linking Words
, the young generation can benefit from taking
athletes
Use synonyms
 as their
role
Use synonyms
models
Use synonyms
 not only physically but
also
Linking Words
 mentally.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
athletes
Use synonyms
 can have a negative
impact
Use synonyms
 as
role
Use synonyms
models
Use synonyms
 for
youngsters
Use synonyms
. Unrealistic expectations
impact
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
athletes
Use synonyms
' lifestyles
are
Correct word choice
and are
show examples
 dangerous for the young generation. Young
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is easy to get famous and wealthy.
Consequently
Linking Words
, after many attempts, they feel disappointment and depression. Some
athletes
Use synonyms
' moral issues ,
for example
Linking Words
, addiction to drugs or drinks are another negative
impact
Use synonyms
 on
youngsters
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it can be good for young
people
Use synonyms
 to understand that it is not easy to reach your ambitions.
Youngsters
Use synonyms
 need to know that
athletes
Use synonyms
 are human and human makes mistakes. If they quit drugs or drinking they will be a good example for younger to find out they can fix everything too. In conclusion, it is true that some
athletes
Use synonyms
 as
role
Use synonyms
models
Use synonyms
 have a negative
impact
Use synonyms
 on
youngsters
Use synonyms
, but they can
also
Linking Words
 correct their mistakes. There are more positive features in
athletes
Use synonyms
'
role
Use synonyms
models
Use synonyms
 than negative ones.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides a clear opinion at the end. However, the introduction could be more engaging and the conclusion could summarize the main points more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure is fairly clear, but the essay would benefit from stronger transitions between ideas. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices could be improved to better connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a good command of vocabulary with a range of appropriate lexical choices. However, more variety in sentence structures and a wider range of vocabulary could enhance the lexical resource.
Grammatical Range
The essay shows good control of grammar and punctuation, but there are some instances of lack of subject-verb agreement and use of inappropriate tenses. A wider variety of complex structures and more accurate use of grammar features would enhance the grammatical range.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • role models
  • behaviour
  • field
  • positive influences
  • negative influences
  • hard work
  • dedication
  • discipline
  • determination
  • healthy lifestyle
  • fitness
  • perseverance
  • challenges
  • teamwork
  • collaboration
  • controversial behavior
  • substance abuse
  • legal issues
  • materialism
  • excessive spending
  • responsibility
  • accountability
What to do next:
Look at other essays: