The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

#bar #percentage #participation #men #development #three #companies #year #summarise #information #report #features #comparisons

The bar chart illustrates the percentage take part of

male

Fix the agreement mistake

males

show examples

in senior development in the three companies,

IBM

Microsoft

and

Apple

between 1980 and the year 2010.

Overall

company

Add an article

a company

the company

show examples

Apple

was higher during the three years and after that

little

Correct article usage

a little

show examples

bit increased but not much

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

IBM

Change noun form

IBM's

show examples

lowest started in 1980 at 5% and remained steady in 1985,

Microsoft

Change preposition

with Microsoft

show examples

and

Apple

at 8%,12%in 1980,in 1985

was

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

10,11%.

Furthermore

IBM

firm increased in 1990

Change preposition

show examples

11%,

Correct word choice

and in

show examples

1995 it was higher

almost

Change preposition

by almost

show examples

25%

moreover

Microsoft

and

Apple

increased but lower than

IBM

in 1995 it was approximately 20%.

Last

but not least,in 2000 and 2010

IBM

dramatically went up and now it was 31% and 62% highest percentage

Change the preposition

show examples

the end of the period.

Microsoft

also

increased in 2010

reached at

Wrong verb form

reaching

show examples

45% and in 2010

Apple

was

lowest

Change the article

the lowest

show examples

percentage.

IBM

Change noun form

IBM's

show examples

started

Wrong verb form

starting

show examples

point was so low but it grew

ver

Correct your spelling

very

show examples

sharply.

Submitted by rs55169611 on Fri Nov 10 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.

Vocabulary: Replace the words ibm, microsoft, apple with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.

▼

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

140 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people.Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a postive or negative situation?

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now "one big traffic jam" How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people form using their cars?

People living in large cities today face many problems in their everyday life. What are these problems? Should governments encourage people to move to smaller regional towns?

Some people think that fittest and strongest individuals and the team can achieve success in sports, while others believe that success depends on mental attitude. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

For centuries, important parts of education have remained such as reading, writing and math. With the advent of computers, some people think that computer skill be made as a fourth skill to be added to the list. To what extend do you agree?