IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of people who consumed five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK over 8 years, which is from 2001 to 2008.

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of people who consumed five portions of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK over 8 years, which is from 2001 to 2008.
#bar #proportion #people #five #portions #fruits #vegetables #uk #years
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart shows
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the proportion of individuals who utilized five different types of fruits and vegetables in a day in the
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
 over 8
years
Use synonyms
, which is from 2001 to 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, as you can see
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
women were top of the list to consume these things and
secondly
Linking Words
 men were
also
Linking Words
 digeste better than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children. Observing the details,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 children
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
consumed fruits and vegetables starting
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
13
in during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2001 to 2003 and 17 in 2004
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was high from previous
years
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,men were
also
Linking Words
 remaining
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 17 in the
biggining
Correct your spelling
beginning
years
Use synonyms
 same
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
 kids
moreover
Linking Words
,women
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased
that
Change preposition
in that
show examples
 period.
Conversely
Linking Words
,males and toddlers
again
Add a missing verb
were again
show examples
 lower than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women but their consumption increased
past
Change preposition
in past
show examples
years
Use synonyms
 they were 18,23,26 and 24,27 during
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 four
years
Use synonyms
 from 2005 to 2008.
whereas
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
females consume hygienic food in 2006 sharply went up
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 35
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was
highest
Change the article
the highest
show examples
 portion.
Submitted by rs55169611 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: