IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of the
differensies
Correct your spelling
differences
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
public who
lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
show examples
 in and outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 between 1995 and 2010. The highest one was
Cities
Change the noun form
City
show examples
areas
Use synonyms
 that
outside
Add a missing verb
were outside
show examples
 of the country and the lowest one
also
Linking Words
 was outside
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Rural
areas
Use synonyms
. Cities
areas
Use synonyms
Change the verb form
were
show examples
was rise
Change the verb form
rose
show examples
 in all two aspects of counting. In
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 that born in
Add an article
the country
show examples
country
Add a comma
country,
show examples
 they had approximately 70% in 2010
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 more
to
Change preposition
than
show examples
 20% that was in 1995. They
also
Linking Words
 increase to 20% in outside
areas
Use synonyms
 of
Australia
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 account
60
Change preposition
for 60
show examples
% and after 15 years glow to 80%. Towns in that case do not
had
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 so big changes.
People
Use synonyms
 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 in
Australia
Use synonyms
 from 1995 to 2010 had
glow
Correct your spelling
grown
show examples
 down from 20% to
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 15%.
People
Use synonyms
 who
lives
Change the verb form
live
show examples
 in
Australians
Correct your spelling
Australian
show examples
 town does not change after 15 years and calculate about 10%. The biggest
changes
Fix the agreement mistake
change
show examples
 was in Rural
areas
Use synonyms
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of
individuasl
Correct your spelling
individuals
individual
 that
does
Verb problem
were
show examples
 not born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 that rocketly
slide
Wrong verb form
slid
show examples
 from 40% to under 5%.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 in the country was 2
time
Change to a plural noun
times
show examples
 more in 1995 than in 2010.
Submitted by aikumarbekarys on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Linking words: Add more linking words.
▼
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words australia, areas, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Demographic
  • Trends
  • Urban areas
  • Rural areas
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Migration patterns
  • Economic factors
  • Government policies
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Steady
  • Peak
  • Trough
  • Time frame
  • Significant changes
  • Distribution
  • Notable
What to do next:
Look at other essays: