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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#amount #leisure #time #men #women #employment #status #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The above bar diagram illustrates the free
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
 spent by both genders that are employed
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 different working persons. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, we could explain wider on the given information.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
working people do not have much
time
Use synonyms
 to spend on their own, when compared to the unemployed and retired workers. There is no free spent by
men
Use synonyms
 both employed (
Part
Add a hyphen
Part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
) and Housewives.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the women are the ones who have more fun
time
Use synonyms
 to the
men
Use synonyms
 in all different working levels
that is
Linking Words
 employed (Full-
time
Use synonyms
), employed (Part-
time
Use synonyms
), Unemployed, Retired and housewives. Among all these workers, both unemployed and Retired people
are having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 to spend on their own wish
that is
Linking Words
 85% are
men
Use synonyms
 and 79% of women. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women are spending more
time
Use synonyms
 on themselves than
men
Use synonyms
. Employed people have less
time
Use synonyms
 when compared the retired workers.
Submitted by appadurai5494 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "that is".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure time
  • employment status
  • full-time employment
  • part-time employment
  • unemployed
  • retired
  • housewives
  • gender comparison
  • notable differences
  • allocate time
  • trend analysis
  • work-life balance
  • time management
  • societal norms
  • economic factors
  • gender-specific trends
  • employment transition
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