The line graph shows the percentage of different age groups of cinema visitors in a particular country.

The line graph shows the percentage of different age groups of cinema visitors in a particular country.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line chart illustrates the ratio of five different
age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
of cinema
vistors
Correct your spelling
visitors
in a country.
Overall
, the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
people at the
age
of 14-24 was the highest, and the
precentages
Correct your spelling
percentages
percentage
dropped with
age
. In 1978, 90% of people
at
Change preposition
between
show examples
the
age
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
14 to 24
vistied
Correct your spelling
visited
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
, and the figure kept dropping as
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
increased and hit its lowest at the
age
group
of more
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
50 years old which was about 40%. In 1988, the percentages reached the lowest in all
age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
which were about 75%, 60%, 40% and 21% in the order of youngest
age
group
to the oldest. The figures rebounded in all
age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
in 1998 which were 90%, 70%, 61% and 40% from the youngest
age
group
to the oldest, and the figures
kept
Verb problem
remained
show examples
approximately the same in 2003.
Lastly
, the figure decreased in
age
groups of 14-24, 25-34, and 25-49 in 2008,
however
, the percentage increased at the
age
group
of 50 years old or older.
Submitted by papaya on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 5 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: