IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Write about the following topic: Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#topic #countries #service #men #school #idea #system #women
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Nowadays, some countries have obligatory military service for men and women after school.
People
 are debating if it is a good system to adopt or
it
Correct word choice
if it
show examples
 is unnecessary.I completely agree with the first statement and I will explain why in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with,some
people
 think that the military is unnecessary because it makes new graduates lose time that they can use to gain experience in the field
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and develop skills needed at work.
However
,attending the military service is a great opportunity for the young generation to learn responsibility, and focus on important things rather than games and social media.Because the military has a strict system that can contribute to
teach
Change the verb form
teaching
show examples
people
 how to follow the roles and make the best out of their time.To illustrate,Morocco adopted
this
 approach a few years ago,and the results were outstanding.
People
 who attend the military are more disciplined,which allows them to have better results at work or in life in general.
Furthermore
,the government will have a train population in case of war.It is a source of all evil but somehow humans did not learn their lesson from previous wars, so it is better to have a good army if it happens.
For example
,we are all witnessing what is happening in Ukraine, innocent men found themselves obligated to stay in the country and fight for it and for their lives.
Hence
, it is important to train them.
Otherwise
, citizens are not going to be able to protect themselves.
To conclude
,the military may be difficult but it represents a great opportunity for young
people
 to learn and improve.
That is
 the reason why I believe that all countries should adopt
this
 system.
Submitted by kaoutar.eljaouhari50 on

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Task achievement
Ensure that the response addresses all aspects of the task. The essay should clearly state and support the writer's opinion on the topic, providing relevant examples and arguments.
Coherence and cohesion
Organize ideas logically and coherently. Use a clear introduction, body paragraphs that support the main points, and a conclusion that summarizes the key points of the essay.
Lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary to convey ideas with precision and creativity. Avoid repetition and use more varied and nuanced vocabulary where appropriate.
Grammatical range
Continue to work on using a variety of sentence structures and grammatical forms to convey complex ideas accurately.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compulsory military service
  • Conscription
  • National unity
  • Patriotism
  • Life skills
  • Discipline
  • Readily available defense force
  • Disruption
  • Moral and ethical beliefs
  • Gender equality
  • Stereotypes
  • Alternatives
  • Social service
  • Community service
  • Psychological impact
  • Economic impacts
  • Mandatory conscription
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