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Band 5

Government should invest more money in science education rather than other subjects to develop the country. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #science #education #subjects #country
The first bar
chart
 clearly shows the growth in the percentage of people who owned a
computer
 between 2002 and 2010. In 2002, approximately 55% of the population had a
computer
.
This
 increased gradually over each two-year period to about 70% by 2010.
This
 rise is mirrored in the second bar
chart
 where ownership is broken down by the level of education. In each of the five
categories
Add a comma
categories,
show examples
 there was an increase in those owning a
computer
.
However
,
this
chart
also
 demonstrates that in both 2002 and
2010
Add a comma
2010,
show examples
 the percentage of
computer
 owners was greater as the level of educational attainment increased. In 2002 only about 12% of those with no high school diploma had a
computer
, and
this
 only rose to around 40% by 2010.
By contrast
, in 2002 around 35% of people who went on to college but failed to finish their courses had a
computer
.
This
 grew to roughly 65% by 2010. The fifth and highest level of education on
this
chart
, a postgraduate qualification, shows the highest percentages of
computer
 ownership. In
this
 category in 2002 close to 75% had computers and
this
 rose to over 90% in 2010.
Submitted by anayasinwriting on

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task response
You have provided a clear and comprehensive response to the task. Your ideas are relevant and well-supported with specific examples. Good job!
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical structure and organization. However, there could be a stronger introduction and conclusion to better frame the essay.
lexical resource
Your use of a wide range of vocabulary and precise terminology is effective in conveying your message. Well done!
grammatical range
Your grammatical range is impressive, with a good variety of sentence structures and accurate use of grammar. Keep up the good work!

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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