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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The given line graph illustrates the average data of a museum tourists in both summer and winter in the year 2003. Overall, it is observed that during summer, the museum had many visitors compared to winter. To begin with, the highest visits recorded were of about 1600 people to the museum at 12noon during the hot weather which declined to 800 people at 4pm. Whereas in winter about 500 visitors came at 10am which somewhat fluctuate till 12 noon. However, there was massive declined during the winter at 12noon till around 2pm whereas there was no visitors recorded from 2pm till 6pm unlike during summer, the downward trend was only from 4pm and there was no record of no visitors.

The given line graph illustrates the average data of a museum tourists in both summer and winter in the year 2003. Overall, it is observed that during summer, the museum had many visitors compared to winter. To begin with, the highest visits recorded were of about 1600 people to the museum at 12noon during the hot weather which declined to 800 people at 4pm. Whereas in winter about 500 visitors came at 10am which somewhat fluctuate till 12 noon. However, there was massive declined during the winter at 12noon till around 2pm whereas there was no visitors recorded from 2pm till 6pm unlike during summer, the downward trend was only from 4pm and there was no record of no visitors.
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In the line graph it illustrates, the
number
Use synonyms
 of communities
visit
Wrong verb form
visiting
show examples
 an
exibition
Correct your spelling
exhibition
 centre in both
summer
Use synonyms
 and
winter
Use synonyms
 in the year of 2003 .
Overall
Linking Words
, It is seen that
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
summer
Use synonyms
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of visitors
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
winter
Use synonyms
. It is being seen that, in the opening hours visitors are following an upward trend.
at
Change preposition
In
show examples
summer
Use synonyms
,
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 12
pm
Use synonyms
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of visitors reached their peak
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 1450
whereas
Linking Words
, in the
winter
Use synonyms
, from 10 am to 12pm there
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 some fluctuations in that the highest
number
Use synonyms
 was around 600 which is, two times less
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
Use synonyms
Change preposition
in summer
show examples
summer time
Correct your spelling
summertime
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, after 12pm the numbers decrease slowly to almost 800
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
summer
Use synonyms
.after 16.00pm
their
Correct your spelling
there
show examples
 has a significant decrease it reached to 0 at 18.00pm. As opposed to in the
winter
Use synonyms
, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
expectators
Correct your spelling
expectations
spectators
 plummed dramatically to almost 0, at 14.30
pm
Use synonyms
 and constant at 0
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 18.00pm.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, summer, winter, pm with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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