IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In some countries, governments are encouraging businesses and industries to move to regional areas outside big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #governments #businesses #industries #move #areas #cities #trend
In some countries, manufacturers are directed by authorities to settle in the rural areas. In my opinion,
while
this
 can be challenging for the workforce and their families, I believe that the environmental benefits are bigger. Admittedly, locating these industries in remote areas can have an adverse effect on the social life of the employees and their families. If the
employments
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employees
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 are working in far regions from their hometowns, they will not have enough time to enjoy the company of their sons. A situation like
this
 arose in Rabough as many of their workers are living in the big cities.
However
, some of them spend several hours driving to their home after work and as soon as they get home it's almost midnight. Their chances to spend quality time with their children are low.
Nevertheless
, If the country can force a large number of manufacturers to relocate their buildings into unpopulated regions, the benefits of decreasing pollution inside the big populated cities are high. The key is ensuring to implement supervision over these businesses.
This
 can be a successful way to minimize air pollution and emissions,
as a result
 , the risk of health issues among the city's residents will be declined. Let's take
UAE
Correct article usage
the UAE
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 as an example, a new global industrial city was developed in Jabal Ali away from Dubai which enables them to keep their environment as clean as possible
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apply
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as
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apply
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from pollutants. An added benefit, if the government is able to initial a city with complete facilities for the workers and their families starting from houses to schools,
hospitals
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and hospitals
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,
in addition
 to social activities,
this
 will help to maximize the productivity of these industries. Working Forces will be stable socially, physically and psychologically as they will not have to drive to work each day for long distances or take long periods
leave
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of leave
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 to meet their relatives.
For instance
, the Royal Commission of Jubail,SA, provided an integral town for the manpower with excellent services and facilities, and in return the productivity and loyalty of their employees sparked.
Although
,
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apply
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 it may be difficult at times, I believe that countries with specific organized industrial locations in remote areas have the potential to create sustainable communities.
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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical structure but could be improved by better organizing ideas into clear paragraphs, and using cohesive devices more effectively to guide the reader through the argument.
task achievement
You provided a complete response to the task, including relevant examples. However, ensure that all parts of the task are fully developed and provide a clear position throughout the response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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