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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010
#bar #percentage #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity
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The diagram illustrates the proportion of physical activity that both
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in Australia had been doing routinely by different
age
Use synonyms
 groups in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, men's
activty
Correct your spelling
activity
 constantly
raised
Verb problem
increased
show examples
 from the time they were 15 to the time they turned 54,
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 increasing trend for women
observed
Add a missing verb
was observed
show examples
 from when they
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 45 to over 65. In most
age
Use synonyms
 intervals,
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 were reported to be more active compared to
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
. Before becoming
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
middle aged
Add a hyphen
middle-aged
show examples
,
intention
Correct article usage
the intention
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 physical activity that ladies had in
Austraila
Correct your spelling
Australia
was decreasing
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 from one
age
Use synonyms
 group to another
also
Linking Words
 the difference between
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 had the same approach. They had 52.8, 42.2, and 39.8
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 contribution in
age
Use synonyms
 ranges 15 to 24, 25 to 34, and 35 to 44 respectively. Adult men
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ages between 45 to 54 were in their most active status
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
shared 53.3% of
figure
Correct article usage
the figure
show examples
 and their least
activiness
Correct your spelling
activity
 period referred to the time they were 65 years old or more, that least diversity between both genders was simultaneously presented to be in
this
Linking Words
 interval as well, which was 47.1%.
Submitted by saba.yazdany18 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
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