IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that manufacture and supermarkets have the responsible to reduce the amount of packaging of goods. While others argue that customer should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #supermarkets #amount #goods #customer
Nowadays, individuals are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more concerned
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 environmental issues caused by plastic which is
also
 used
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 packaging.
Thus
, some say that the producers and the stores need to be responsible for reducing the
amount
 of packaging, but some disagree and say that it is the responsibility of the customers. In my perspective, it
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
 to be
manufacturers'
Correct article usage
the manufacturers'
show examples
 responsibility to decrease the use of packaging.
Although
 the consumers can help in reducing the
amount
 of packaging, it is just going to be merely by small
amount
.
To begin
 with, the
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of the customers can slightly help in lowering the
amount
 of packaging being used by bulk buying. If they are purchasing goods in vast
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
, the packaging will be used less than
small
Add an article
a small
show examples
amount
.
In addition
,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
vegetables and fruits,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
might grow
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
by themselves so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
less packaging will be used.
However
,
this
 is capable of assisting a little
only
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. The majority of
peoples's
Fix the agreement mistake
people's
show examples
 aspect is that the manufacturer needs to be in charge of lowering the
amount
 of packaging. They are certainly capable of reducing the
amount
 of packaging more than the consumers as they are able to control the process of producing goods.
Thus
, they can limit the packaging used by selling in large
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
posing
Verb problem
causing
show examples
 the
amount
 of packaging to plummet.
Furthermore
, they can change it to reusable packaging, so after being used, it is still beneficial. In summary, it is undeniable that manufacturers have more potential to trigger packaging reduction.
However
, both sides, producers and consumers, have to merge to be able to effectively and efficiently reduce the
amount
 of packaging being wasted.
Submitted by dondollaraus on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on establishing a clearer overall structure for your essay. The introduction could be expanded upon by paraphrasing the question more effectively and setting the outline of the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Utilize more cohesive devices to ensure a smoother flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs for stronger coherence.
task achievement
Although the essay addresses the task, there's room for more development in ideas and arguments. Aim for a more detailed examination of each view, providing substantial arguments and relevant examples.
task achievement
Enhance the level of your main points by supporting them with clear, relevant, and extended examples. Aim to include at least one illustrative example per main argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: