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Writing Samples
Band 5

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

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The number of
children
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 who suffer from obesity in
western
Capitalize word
Western
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 nations has surged by nearly 20% in the
last
Linking Words
 decade. The reasons for
this
Linking Words
 trend are the increase
of
Change preposition
in
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 fast
food
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 advertisements and the sedentary lifestyle, which can lead to a significant burden on the healthcare system. The reason for the increasing number of overweight
children
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 can be accounted for by the rise of fast
food
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 advertisements. Fast
food
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 now is promoted publicly on all social media with various promotion campaigns to attract
children
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 without any nutrition facts or
health
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 warnings being mentioned.
For instance
Linking Words
, KFC or McDonald's often include small toys in their
children
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’s meals and give discount codes to schoolchildren
for buying
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to buy
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 their products. Another reason is that
children
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 are now being hampered to engage in physical activities both at school and at home. As
the
Correct article usage
apply
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peer pressure increases, they are now required to achieve good grades in academic subjects
while
Linking Words
 attending several soft skills classes to support a well-rounded education, which results in minimum time for playing or exercising. The primary issue that Western countries have to face is increased
health
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 problems
in
Change preposition
at
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 younger ages. As it's widely recognized that unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 high in calories, sodium and sugar can lead to several
health
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 issues
such
Linking Words
 as heart disease, stroke and diabetes,
children
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 who are diagnosed with obesity often require intensive care to maintain their
health
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.
While
Linking Words
 in many western regions,
children
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 are offered
with
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apply
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free medical care,
this
Linking Words
 can put a huge burden on the welfare system when they have to cover more
children
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 with severe diseases and disorders. In conclusion, the rising number of obese
children
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 in
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 countries is caused by the increase in
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
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 for fast
food
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 and minimum time for playing sports.
This
Linking Words
 can cost the healthcare system a significant amount of money to take care of these
children
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
To improve your coherence and cohesion, focus on creating a more logical flow of ideas. Try to present each point in a clear and organized manner, using a variety of linking words and transitions effectively.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt more comprehensively. While the main points are present, additional details and examples would enrich the response and demonstrate a stronger grasp of the topic.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overweight
  • obesity
  • caloric intake
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • physical education
  • nutritious
  • psychological well-being
  • self-esteem
  • socioeconomic
  • healthcare system
  • life expectancy
  • obesity-related complications
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