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Band 4

Some people think that developing countries need financial help from international organization to continue their development. On the other hand, others think that practical aid or advice is more useful. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #countries #organization #development #hand #aid #advice
There is an argument about the result of helping underdeveloped
countries
 economically or not economically: means with scientific recommendations and growing them actively. In my point of view both
route
Change to a plural noun
routes
show examples
 of aiding developing
countries
 are useful but giving them the power to grow independently without directly received expenditure may result in
a longer positive effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
longer positive effects
a longer positive effect
show examples
 on the future of those
countries
. The first opinion about
this
 subject is that they
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 the core cause of making developing
countries
 far from developed status is because of poor condition of their economy.
Then
Correct your spelling
The
show examples
 international
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
show examples
 financial
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
 can give them the ability to manage their difficult situation and open their ways to become more
industrilized
Correct your spelling
industrialized
industrialised
.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 the other opinion mentions it is dangerous and ineffective to help in
such
away
Correct your spelling
a way
show examples
 and may not solve the problem. They incline
this
 fact that importing practical supports
such
 as science in all fields, especially management and economy, may have
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 beneficial impact on the future of that nation. They believe the leaders of developing
countries
 may misuse the money they receive and use it
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 inappropriate
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
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,
thus
 it is essential to grow the
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 potency of these nations indirectly. They should acquire the knowledge to produce money and use it in a reasonable way
independantly
Correct your spelling
independently
. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
although
 the idea of spending money on developing
countries
 may
grow
Verb problem
lead
show examples
 them
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right destination,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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in my perspective it is better to help them financially
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand and at the same time help them to
became
Change the verb
become
show examples
 specialized in needed fields
on the other hand
.
Submitted by davudznml123456 on

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coherent structure
The essay needs a clearer structure. Introduce each view in separate paragraphs, and provide a clear topic sentence for each paragraph.
introduction conclusion clarity
Consider expanding your conclusion to clearly state your opinion, supported by the arguments presented in the essay.
specific examples
Provide more detailed examples to support your points. These examples help illustrate and reinforce your arguments.
task completion
The task requires a discussion of each view, followed by the writer's own opinion. Make sure each part of the task is addressed to the required extent.
idea development
Try to present ideas more comprehensively by exploring each viewpoint with more depth, nuances, or implications.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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