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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the pie charts show the electricity generated in germany and france from all sources and renewables in the year 2009. summarize the information and make comparison.

the pie charts show the electricity generated in germany and france from all sources and renewables in the year 2009. summarize the information and make comparison.
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These histograms manifest the
Eectricity
Correct your spelling
Electricity
 generated in
Germany
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 and
France
Use synonyms
. These histograms are divided into 2 parts for each country. One
for
Add a missing verb
is for
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 all types of electricity used in the country and the other is for the renewables used by the people in the
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
. These
datas
Correct your spelling
data
 are extracted from the year 2009 for both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries.
Germany
Use synonyms
 used 560 billion K Wh
whereas
Linking Words
France
Use synonyms
consumes
Wrong verb form
consumed
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 510 billion K Wh
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 that year. The
conventioanal
Correct your spelling
conventional
 thermal used by
Germany
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 takes 3/4th of the pie chart. The Newclear energy takes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second place which has
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 percentage of 23.0. The
least
Correct your spelling
last
show examples
 resource used by the citizens is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
renewables
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 17.4%. As a whole in
Use synonyms
Germany
Add a comma
Germany,
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 conventional thermal played a
crutial
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crucial
critical
. When it comes to
the
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apply
show examples
renewable resources biomass has a growth of 39.3% ,
wind
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the wind
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 takes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second place with 36.9% and the least is
the
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apply
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solar energy with 6.1%.
France
Use synonyms
 had a
tremondous
Correct your spelling
tremendous
 use of nuclear in 2009 for about 76.0%.
Similary
Correct your spelling
Similarly
 the conventional source has a 3%
of
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apply
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increase compared to
renewable
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renewables
show examples
. In the next chart of
France
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 Hydroelectric power has the majority of 80.5%. The wind and biomass
has
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have
show examples
 declined compared to
Germany
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. The Solar Geoth
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 not used in the course of 2009. In
comparison
Add a comma
comparison,
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 the Electricity generated in
France
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 is less
50
Change preposition
than 50
show examples
% than
Use synonyms
Germany
Change preposition
in Germany
show examples
.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words germany, france with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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