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Band 4

Many universitiy students want to learn about different subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others feel it is important to give all their time and attention to studying for their qualification. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#universitiy #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
For securing
Change preposition
To secure
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 a good
job
,
therefore
 college
students
 need to work hard on their
grade
Fix the agreement mistake
grades
show examples
 in order to
possessed
Change the verb
possess
show examples
 skills and
expert
Replace the word
expertise
show examples
 in a theory. Some argue that to work in a good
compay
Correct your spelling
company
, they must have
boarden
Correct your spelling
broaden
boarded
 knowledge by
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 different
subjects
in addition
 to
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
subjects
. And the others said that they need to be focussing on
specific
Add an article
a specific
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 subject in aims to be
experted
Correct your spelling
expected
exported
 and get a good
qualification
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will briefly explain both points of view and I will give my own opinions. On the
one
 hand, studying different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 will lead to several problems
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
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confusion.
Students
 in
this
 condition may have many skills and
boarden
Correct your spelling
broad
 knowledge, but there are
also
 several problems caused by it.
Firstly
, it can be hard to keep focus on all of the
subjects
 and
maintaining
Wrong verb form
maintain
show examples
 good grades for each of the
subjects
.
Secondly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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graduate
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 will
lead to get
Verb problem
have
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 a hard time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
discovering what they are truly passionate about,
due to
the
Change the word
their
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 lack of
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
 and
at the end
 of the day still
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not figuring out their passion.
Therefore
, there are more drawbacks regarding
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing
this
 compared to focusing
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
.
On the other hand
, focusing only
one
Change preposition
on one
show examples
 subject for the
qualification
 will make
students
 getting more prepared for the future
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 in getting a good
job
. The only disadvantage is it can be very boring since the
qualification
require
Change the verb form
requires
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
focusing on
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
subjects
, whilst the student will get to be
experted
Correct your spelling
expected
exported
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 theory and practice. Take
for example
,
company
Correct article usage
a company
show examples
tend
Correct pronoun usage
that tend
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 to search for graduate
students
 that have
have
Remove the redundancy
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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good
qualification
 related to the
company
Change noun form
company's
show examples
 needs, because they need to fill
one
 specific
job
 and it will become a good thing if graduate
students
 are experienced and
experted
Correct your spelling
experts
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 what they have been learned in
qualification
 back
then
. In conclusion, there are many drawbacks for
students
 to studying many
subjects
 out of the main
subjects
 and often it leads to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
confusion. Meanwhile, as opposed to
students
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 only
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
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 and
focusing
Wrong verb form
focus on
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one
subect
Correct your spelling
subject
 for
qualification
, it will lead them to get more prepared for securing a good
job
 in regard to what they
possessed
Wrong verb form
possess
show examples
 of experting
subjects
 they have learned.
Submitted by baitynuris191 on

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coherence cohesion
Be sure to structure your essay clearly. Introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion should each serve a distinct purpose and logically lead from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Use topic sentences at the start of each paragraph to clearly signal the main point of that paragraph, followed by supporting sentences that develop the point.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each point is followed by a concrete example or explanation to support the main point. Abstract claims should be minimised.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task. You need to discuss both views presented in the prompt and give your own opinion clearly and fully for a high score on task response.
task achievement
Develop your points thoroughly. Instead of introducing many ideas, focus on fully explaining and providing support for fewer points.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to illustrate your points and show a clear link between your opinion and the arguments you are making.
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