You have been working for a company for some time, and other rival companies are willing to employ you with a higher salary for all the practical experience you have gained. Write a letter to your company manager and in your letter explain the situation, say what you would like the manager to do (increase the salary etc.), say what action you would take in case the manager fails to meet your demands.

#company #time #companies #salary #manager #situation #action #case #demands

Dear Mr.Ahmed, I hope

this

letter finds you in

pink

Add an article

the pink

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of health I am writing

this

letter to discuss

regarding

Change preposition

apply

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my salary,

last

week I got

offer

Add an article

an offer

the offer

show examples

from Amazon

company

. As you know I have been working for your

company

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since 5

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years ago during

this

time I worked hardest and I

leave

Wrong verb form

left

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my work around 7PM and your

company

did not give me overtime

wges

Correct your spelling

hours

furthermore

I am working multitask and you pay less than other

company

Fix the agreement mistake

companies

show examples

I deserve to pay me more than that as I mentioned before I got offer they pay to me 5000$ per month and your

company

pay to me 3500$ per month

in addition

, they provide all employees incentive end of the year I would be grateful if you increment my salary if you not I will be forced to leave my job I will accept the offer. I am

witing

Correct your spelling

waiting

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for

you

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your

show examples

reply soon. Kind regards,

Submitted by luhana.chii on Sat Nov 18 2023

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coherence cohesion

The logical structure of the letter could be significantly improved by clearly organizing your thoughts. Each paragraph should present a separate point, making sure there is a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

coherence cohesion

It is important to maintain a professional and respectful tone throughout the letter. Politeness and formal language are essential when making requests to your employer.

task achievement

For task achievement, while you have addressed the prompts, more details and clear arguments that support your request would enhance your response. Additionally, a clearer statement of consequences if your demands are not met would be beneficial.

task achievement

When making a request for a salary increase, it is important to not only state your case but also to articulate your own contributions to the company and why you believe an increase is warranted. This could include details of your performance, achievements, and recognition in your role.

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

154 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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