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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the number of books that were borrowed in four different months in 2014 from four village libraries, and the pie chart shows the percentages of books, by type, that were borrowed over this time.

The line graph shows the number of books that were borrowed in four different months in 2014 from four village libraries, and the pie chart shows the percentages of books, by type, that were borrowed over this time.
#line #books #four #months #village #libraries #percentages #type #time
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The graph below shows the value of borrowed
books
Use synonyms
 in four different countries, and the chart shows the types of
books
Use synonyms
 At
first
Add a comma
first,
show examples
 we have five types of
books
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 is: Self-Help, Fiction, History, Science and Biography. The Fiction type is
most
Rephrase
more
show examples
 popular among
villages
Use synonyms
 than other types which have 43 percent of borrow.
Overall
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Sutton
Use synonyms
Wood
Use synonyms
 remained the biggest number of
books
Use synonyms
 borrowed, with all three
villages
Use synonyms
 spending much less on them In June Church Mount and West Eaton borrowed the least amount of
books
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 Ryeslip and
Sutton
Use synonyms
Wood
Use synonyms
 borrowed about as much as each other.
However
Linking Words
, by August, the importance of borrowed
books
Use synonyms
 in
Sutton
Use synonyms
Wood
Use synonyms
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 fallen sharply and closer to September in those three
villages
Use synonyms
amount
Wrong verb form
amounting
show examples
 compiled about 170-150, when
Sutton
Use synonyms
 Woods which sharply increased had a value of 300 As can be seen from the graph, the amount of borrowed
books
Use synonyms
 increased in all four
villages
Use synonyms
 but
Sutton
Use synonyms
Wood
Use synonyms
 saw sharp declines and rises in book values ​​
while
Linking Words
 others steadily raised the bar,
expect
Correct your spelling
except
show examples
 Ryeslip.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words books, villages, sutton, wood with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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