IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

this graph shows the percentage of the population living in cities from 1970 to 2040 in(Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand and Indonesia)

this graph shows the percentage of the population living in cities from 1970 to 2040 in(Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand and Indonesia)
#percentage #population #cities #philippines #malaysia #thailand #indonesia
The shown line
gragh
Correct your spelling
graph
 illustrates the number of the
population
 living in
cities
 in four different countries (Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand and Indonesia). The
period
 of
this
 line
gragh
Correct your spelling
graph
 started in 1970, and it will end in 2040.
Overall
, at the beginning of the
period
, the percentage of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 living in
cities
 Philippines was the highest.
However
,
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the
period
, it is expected that the
cities
 in Malaysia will have the highest percentage of the
population
.
Moreover
, the line
gragh
Correct your spelling
graph
 shows that the percentages of the four countries
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been increasing since 1970, and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will be still going up until 2040. With the
regrad
Correct your spelling
regard
 to the number of the
population
 living in
cities
 in Malaysia, it started from approximately 30% in 1970
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
then
 increased to around 80% in 2020, and it is expected to reach 90% by 2040.
Likewise
, the rate of the
population
 living in
cities
 in Indonesia,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
began
from
Change preposition
at
show examples
 more than 10% in 1970, after which it has been surging, and it is projected to
achieve
Verb problem
reach
show examples
 60%
at
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the end of the
period
. In
contract
Correct your spelling
contrast
show examples
, it is obvious that the percentage of the
population
 living in
cities
 in
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 started from a little more than 30% in 1970, and
then
 fluctuated to
became
Verb problem
apply
show examples
40% in 2010, and it is expected to reach nearly 50% in 2040.
Similarly
, the number of
population
 living in
cities
 in Thailand,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
began from a little less than 20% in 1970, and it is projected to achieve almost 50% in 2040.
Submitted by asomm5563 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words population, cities, period with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • population density
  • infrastructure development
  • sustainable city planning
  • megacities
  • rural-urban migration
  • economic growth
  • demographic shift
  • environmental sustainability
  • policy implementation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: