IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #university #students #study #subjects #future #science #technology
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It is argued whether university
students
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 should be allowed to
study
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subjects
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 of their own
choice
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 or they should be restricted to
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study
Wrong verb form
studying
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science
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 and
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technology related
Add a hyphen
technology-related
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subjects
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.
This
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 essay argues that despite the fact that studying these
subjects
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 will help in developing the world, I believe that learners will be able to show their real potential by studying what they like. Studying
subjects
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such
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 as
science
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 and
technology
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 will make the world more advanced by making developments in
technology
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 or finding a cure for incurable diseases. The knowledge of these
subjects
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 would help learners to discover new things or make innovations in the existing ones.
This
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 will change the world, as they
would
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will
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 probably be able to search
answers
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for answers
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of
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to
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 many unanswered questions in the field of
science
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 and
technology
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. Take India as an example, where
government
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the government
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 is trying to inculcate STEM learning in universities by limiting
students
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' subject
choice
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 to
science
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 and
technology
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, as
country
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the country
a country
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 needs to be developed scientifically and digitally.
However
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,
this
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 is a short-sighted view, and would not help in future.
Students
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 will be able to perform better
,
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apply
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 if they are allowed to choose
subjects
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 of their own
choice
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. When they are given
freedom
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the freedom
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 to explore the area of their interest, they will strive to give their best. At the same time, they will try to find alternatives
of
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to
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 doing the same thing by using different strategies.
For instance
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, The United States of America is one of the developed nations,
as
Correct word choice
and
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 the major reason behind
this
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 is that the educational curriculum is too flexible and focuses mainly on the learners'
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
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, which allows them to do better in their
area
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areas
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 of interest.
For
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this
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 reason, it is one of the countries with massive numbers of scientists and technologists. In conclusion, I believe that allowing
students
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 to make their own
study
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choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
 helps them to take their real potential out rather than narrowing down their
study
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 options for the sake of
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
 development.
Submitted by meghnabawa91 on

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coherence cohesion
While you presented an introduction and conclusion, the essay's logical structure needs attention. The argument can be disjointed, causing confusion in following the main points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph follows a clear main idea, with subsequent sentences coherently supporting that idea. Improve the transition between ideas and paragraphs to enhance readability.
task achievement
Your essay marginally addressed the task by discussing both views and providing your opinion. However, the discussion can be more balanced, with a clearer exploration of each viewpoint.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear, but the way you express them can be improved to enhance comprehension. Try to clearly outline the supporting points for each argument.
task achievement
Relevant examples are provided but they're not always specific or fully developed to support the argument. Ensure each example adds valuable insight to your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • engagement
  • excel
  • innovative contributions
  • diversity in research
  • well-rounded education
  • broad perspectives
  • critical thinking skills
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • forced academic paths
  • job-ready
  • skills shortages
  • tech-driven economy
  • employment rates
  • changing job market
  • utilitarian subjects
  • aptitudes
  • wasting talent
What to do next:
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