employers some times ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. some people say that this information may be relevent and useful. others disagree. discuss about these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, job interviews become a hot topic as the growing number of graduates are seeking ideal vacant positions from potential employers.
However
, some employers tend to require more personal details including hobbies, marriage status, etc. Some human resources professionals explain that it is essential,
while
others including applicants themselves disagree. Personally, I support the former claim for a better understanding of candidates. Proponents claim the detailed personal profile will provide a whole picture of the
candidate
, who would be considered thoroughly whether he or she is qualified for the position. Meanwhile,
candidate's
Correct article usage
the candidate's
show examples
personality will be rationalized with the profile as the supporting
information
.
Furthermore
,
Human
Correct article usage
the Human
show examples
Resource Department can design
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
training programs which will be aligned with the long-term career development plan.
However
, opponents are questioning whether it is necessary for candidates to provide their sensitive personal
information
. Until now, there is no strong
proofs
Fix the agreement mistake
proof
show examples
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
employees' capabilities
influenced
Add a missing verb
are influenced
show examples
by personalities.
For instance
, whether the
candidate
is single or married has nothing to do with work competency.
Even
Rephrase
Sometimes
show examples
,
sometimes
Rephrase
apply
show examples
it may cause discrimination when recruiting a female employee who
supposed
Add a missing verb
is supposed
show examples
to take maternity leave in
coming
Correct article usage
the coming
show examples
years.
In addition
, revealing personal
information
will possibly ignite privacy issues as well. In conclusion, it is not easy for a recruiter to identify the high potential when reading a large amount of resumes and interviewing candidates round after round. A comprehensive
candidate
profile will help
employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers
show examples
find
ideal
Add an article
the ideal
show examples
candidate
to fill the vacant positions and work out appropriate employee development
strategy
Fix the agreement mistake
strategies
show examples
accordingly
. Meanwhile, it is
employers'
Correct article usage
the employers'
show examples
responsibility to handle the sensitive
information
cautiously and avoid any possible bias in processing the recruitment.
Submitted by huaixiangdong on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. This structure was present, but can be more effectively executed.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing appropriately. You could include more linking words to show the relationship between ideas.
task achievement
Develop your main points more fully with specific examples. The essay would benefit from more detailed support and illustration.
task achievement
Make sure to address the prompt completely, including discussing both views and giving your own opinion with clear reasons.
coherence cohesion
Provide varied and precise vocabulary. Try to avoid repetition by using synonyms and complex sentence structures.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on your ideas. Some points were mentioned but not explained or elaborated on sufficiently.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • employers
  • applying for jobs
  • personal information
  • hobbies
  • interests
  • marital status
  • relevance
  • usefulness
  • insights
  • personality
  • compatibility
  • company culture
  • skills
  • passions
  • job positions
  • discrimination concerns
  • qualifications
  • experience
  • hiring decisions
  • structured interviews
  • objective assessments
  • balance
  • professional qualities
  • decisive factor
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