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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentages #meals #three #nutrients #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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This
Linking Words
 pie chart
illurastes
Correct your spelling
illustrates
 the daily meals of three
types
Use synonyms
 of sodium,
saturatedfat
Correct your spelling
saturated fat
 and added sugars, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much in average percentages.
Generaly
Correct your spelling
Generally
 speaking, the percentage of dinner
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
notable
Change the word
notably
show examples
 highest in
type
Add an article
the type
a type
show examples
 of sodium and saturated fat,
whereas
Linking Words
 the lowest
Use synonyms
types
Fix the agreement mistake
type
show examples
 is breakfast in all
types
Use synonyms
. Looking more closely at the figure, we can see that the percentage of dinner is dramaticitly approx half of
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
 in sodium,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lunch is followed by
then
Linking Words
 that only 29 per cent,
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
types
Use synonyms
 are breakfast and snacks
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
only 14 per cent each other. In terms
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the type of saturated fat,
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 are not
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
differience
Correct your spelling
difference
differences
 in
four
Correct article usage
the four
show examples
categroies
Correct your spelling
categories
, only 10 per cent between each level.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, there is
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 highest percentage of snacks in added sugar, approx 42%.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, from highest to lowest are 23%, 19% and 16%
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 dinner, lunch and breakfast
respectly
Correct your spelling
respectively
.
Submitted by bookcool5 on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words types with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentages" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrients
  • unhealthy
  • typical meals
  • percentages
  • saturated fats
  • fibers
  • sugars
  • impact
  • average
  • consumption
  • trends
  • breakfast
  • lunch
  • dinner
  • highest
  • lowest
  • variation
  • implications
  • balanced diet
  • recommendations
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