IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart provides information about the level of female unemployment in four parts of the United Kingdom between the years of 2013 to 2014

The bar chart provides information about the level of female unemployment in four parts of the United Kingdom between the years of 2013 to 2014
#bar #information #level #unemployment #four #parts #kingdom #years
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The rendered bar graph illustrates
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the level of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
how
Correct word choice
who
show examples
 are unemployed in four parts of the United Kingdom namely England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland from 2013 to 2014. The data has been calibrated in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
terms of percentage.
Overall
, it is clearly seen that the highest amount of females were unemployed in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2013.
According to
 the given data, In England,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 minor difference of nearly 0.2% have been illustrated in the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 female
how
Correct word choice
who
show examples
 were unemployed.
Moreover
, as compared
2013
Change preposition
from 2013
show examples
 to 2014, a rise of almost 0.6 per cent has been
showed
Change the verb form
showing
shown
show examples
 in Scotland
womens
Correct your spelling
women
show examples
 who
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 not doing any job. Moving
further
, 5.6% of folks were unemployed in the period of 2013 in Northern Ireland. Afterwards, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of unemployed females
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased and
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
at
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
4.6%.
Lastly
, 5.0% of the girls were unemployed in 2014.
Submitted by svmaibcamaibs on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • unemployment rate
  • temporal trends
  • regional variations
  • economic policies
  • industry growth/decline
  • educational opportunities
  • social implications
  • gender equality
  • workforce participation
  • family income
  • employment opportunities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: