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Band 4

Directors of large organizations are paid much higher salaries than other employees. Some people feel this is necessary, while others think this is not justified. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#directors #organizations #salaries #employees #people
Nowadays, everyone
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
 to
work
 in an
organizations
Fix the agreement mistake
organization
show examples
 which
offer
Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
show examples
 him with high
salaries
. The certificated and qualified
person
 has a desire to
work
 hard and achieve their goal .
The large
Correct article usage
Large
show examples
 organizations aim to offer
a jobs
Correct the article-noun agreement
jobs
a job
show examples
 with high
salaries
 to attract
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
comptent
Correct your spelling
competent
content
 employees . In
this
 essay , both views will be presented followed by my opinion. Actors refer to the
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 who represent the
orginality
Correct your spelling
originality
 of the organization and they play a crucial role in the
successful
Replace the word
success
show examples
 of the
company
 or
another professional institutions
Replace the adjective
another professional institution
other professional institutions
show examples
. The
company
 must
employee
Replace the word
employ
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
qualified
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 and give them
a high
Correct the article-noun agreement
high salaries
a high salary
show examples
salaries
."
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
so that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they make
an efforts
Correct the article-noun agreement
an effort
efforts
show examples
 to do more tasks and they will plan to generate
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
new ideas that lead to innovation skills . Entrepreneurs must have a set of characteristics
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
risk takers ,
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
 skills, and the ability to maintain a balance in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 budgets. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand , it is
an
Change the article
apply
show examples
essential to
paid
Wrong verb form
pay
show examples
 much higher
salaries
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
directors
 , as they direct the team and enhance the collaboration among the crew of
work
. The director will supervise the
work
 of other members and try their best to modify it.
As a result
 , the director or team manager has a responsibility to observe the critical condition of the organization or the
company
. The
person
 under the risk , and the process of
take
Change the verb form
taking
show examples
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
called
Add a missing verb
is called
show examples
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
entrepreneurship . The confident director will boost the future of the
company
 and will polish it to shine in the world of commerce.
To sum up
, it is necessary to
paid
Change the verb
pay
show examples
a higher
Correct the article-noun agreement
higher salaries
a higher salary
show examples
salaries
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
directors
 as they play a crucial role
to make
Change preposition
in making
show examples
 the
company
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
 in the world.
As well as
Rephrase
Also
show examples
, the
directors
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the responsible
of make
Change preposition
for making
show examples
 the name of
organization
Correct article usage
the organization
show examples
 shine in the world of
entrprenship
Correct your spelling
entrepreneurship
. No one can deny the importance of
paid
Change the form of the verb
paying
show examples
much
Correct quantifier usage
more
show examples
 money to the
directors
 than other
employeess
Correct your spelling
employees
, because they act as the core of any
companies
Fix the agreement mistake
company
show examples
 or
organizations
Fix the agreement mistake
organization
show examples
 that have
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 desire to increase
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 profit and success in
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 age.
Submitted by urudalbalushi on

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task achievement
The essay does not fully address all parts of the task as there is no clear discussion of the opposite viewpoint which argues against high salaries for directors, and the personal opinion is not clearly stated. The response needs to present a balanced discussion covering all aspects of the task, including a clear personal stance.
coherence cohesion
The coherence and cohesion of the essay are compromised by a lack of clear progression between ideas and paragraphs. Logical connectors are not used effectively, making the argument difficult to follow. To improve, utilize a range of cohesive devices and ensure the logical flow of points and arguments throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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