IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table below shows average hours and minutes spent by UK males and females on different daily activities.

The table below shows average hours and minutes spent by UK males and females on different daily activities.
#hours #minutes #uk #males #females #activities
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This
Linking Words
 line chart depicts the
stock
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
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 from 2011 to 2016 of four technology companies: Facebook, Google, Apple, and Yahoo. It is clear from the graph that there were various patterns for these
comapnies
Correct your spelling
companies
 during
this
Linking Words
period
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, the
stock
Use synonyms
price
Use synonyms
 of Apple started at 5000 and had a sharp
increased
Replace the word
increase
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reaching its peak value at 35000 in the next year. After
that
Add a comma
that,
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 it decreased sharply to reach 7500 and had fluctuation until the end of the
period
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Facebooks
Change to a genitive case
Facebook's
show examples
stock
Use synonyms
price
Use synonyms
 increased gradually during the
period
Use synonyms
 until it reached 20000 the highest value compared with other companies in 2016. Meanwhile, the
stock
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 value of Yahoo underwent a gradual
decreased
Replace the word
decrease
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 by 5000 going from 7500 to 2500.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Google remained stable throughout the time span, at 1000.
To sum up
Linking Words
, we could say that Facebook and Yahoo had the same
stock
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price
Use synonyms
in
Change the preposition
at
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 the beginning of the
period
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, but after
that
Add a comma
that,
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 there
were
Change the verb form
was
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 a contradiction between them.
Submitted by fatemah221027 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words stock, price, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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