Some people believe that professional athletes serve as positive role models for young people, while others argue that their behaviour both on and off the field, can have negative influences. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #athletes #role #models #behaviour #field #influences

Nowadays professional sportsmen, who stand as

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

role

model

Fix the agreement mistake

models

show examples

for young

people

, may have crucial consequences on

youth

While

some

people

believe they may have negative effects as influence is

also

formed on athlete’s behaviour off the field, I agree with those who are sure that professional

athletes

affect youngsters in a positive way, because lots of young

people

are keen on

sports

due to

their idols. Some

people

are convinced that professional

athletes

have a negative effect on

youth

due to

their life outside the scene. A lot of professional sportsmen,

for example

, bodybuilders use tons of steroids and other drugs, which can have lethal consequences. Not informing about deadly supplements that

athletes

use, leads to young

people

following their idols,

thus

ruining their health.

This

is an important issue, which may be solved only after sportsmen will stop keeping silent regarding their

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

supplements.

On the other hand

, some

people

believe that

sports

heroes serve as

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

positive role

model

Fix the agreement mistake

models

show examples

for the

youth

, by inspiring lots of young men not to quit

sports

in life, and I side with

this

point of view. Youngsters by the affection of their icons actively engage in

sports

thus

developing their stamina and bulking up muscles.

This

, in turn, has huge health benefits

such

steady

Correct article usage

a steady

show examples

heart pulse, strong body carcass,

Correct word choice

and

show examples

faster reaction time.

For example

, a recent study in the New York Times claims that 67% of young men, who let

sports

take over their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

, are healthier than the part of

youth

, who do not engage

through

Change preposition

show examples

sports

. In conclusion ,

while

some

people

are sure that professional

athletes

may have negative effects on youngsters

due to

the use of drugs, I agree with those who argue that

sports

idols benefit their fans by inspiring them to engage in

sports

thus

helping

youth

appear healthier.

Submitted by dulskywork on Wed Nov 22 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction

Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the points you will discuss. Your introduction does touch on the topic but the points discussed in the essay are not clearly outlined.

Cohesion

Work on the logical structure of your essay to improve the flow of ideas. Try to ensure that each paragraph follows logically from the last and that your argument progresses in a clear and orderly fashion.

Conclusion

Make sure to include a conclusion that not only summarizes the points made but also provides a clear final stance on the issue.

Task Achievement

To achieve a higher score in task achievement, ensure that your response fully addresses all parts of the task prompt and presents a clear argument throughout the essay.

Ideas Development

Include more comprehensive ideas that explore the nuances of the topic, which can help demonstrate a deeper understanding and critical engagement with the issue.

Supporting Examples

Provide more specific examples to strengthen your main points. This can include statistical data, anecdotal evidence, or quotations from relevant authorities on the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

305 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

role models
behaviour
field
positive influences
negative influences
hard work
dedication
discipline
determination
healthy lifestyle
fitness
perseverance
challenges
teamwork
collaboration
controversial behavior
substance abuse
legal issues
materialism
excessive spending
responsibility
accountability

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?
Volunteer work plays a significant role in the society's progress. Some individuals lean toward the idea that it should be obligatory for young people to do voluntary activities in their leisure time due to its advantages for the community and themselves. From my perspective, I agree with the statement to a certain extent.
6.5
band
When choosing a job, salary is the most important decision. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
One school of thought holds that salary stands as the paramount consideration when selecting a job. While I accept that this perception is somewhat justifiable, I believe that all the factors also contribute to overall career satisfaction.
7.5
band
In many countries, the government prioritises economic growth above all other concerns. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.
Economic growth is a sphere that the state considers over other domains. The main reason that this could be beneficial to the economy is that it results in the increase in job opportunities, and also the income of the citizens. Its drawbacks are increased cost of living, and it makes the life of the poor difficult.
4
band
Some people think that drug addicts should be treated like criminals and sent to jail, while other believe that they should be treated like patients and sent to hospital. Discuss bothe these views and give your own opinion
In the debate of how to deal with drug addicts? people have two different approaches, half of them believe in treating such people as criminals while other half is more compassionate and wants them to be considered as patients. It is striking how opposite both the narratives are, with one focussing on punishment and the other on rehabilitation, moreover, personally I opine more with the first perspective.
5
band
Some people consider prices as most important thing to think about when buying product (such as cell phone) or service (eg. medical treatment). Do you agree or disagree.
Due to the advancement of technology, people are crazy to purchase things to use them in their lives. Before buying anything, citizens should consider items are worth able or not. I completely agree with this statement and will shed light on it in the following paragraphs.

Some people believe that professional athletes serve as positive role models for young people, while others argue that their behaviour both on and off the field, can have negative influences. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?

When choosing a job, salary is the most important decision. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, the government prioritises economic growth above all other concerns. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

Some people think that drug addicts should be treated like criminals and sent to jail, while other believe that they should be treated like patients and sent to hospital. Discuss bothe these views and give your own opinion

Some people consider prices as most important thing to think about when buying product (such as cell phone) or service (eg. medical treatment). Do you agree or disagree.