IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

A high salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? Provide relevant examples if necessary.

#salary #job #satisfaction
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Many employees have their own
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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 why they go to
work
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. Yet, the issue
on
Change preposition
of
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 whether a high
salary
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 can drive
people
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 to
work
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 has been exposed recently
where
Correct word choice
and
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 some voices are
also
Linking Words
 vocal about
job
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 satisfaction.
However
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, I personally disagree with
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job
Correct article usage
the job
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 satisfaction idea
due to
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 the argument that basically
people
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 earn money to fulfil financial needs and personal motivation. First of all, a high
salary
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 is the determining reason before someone
finally
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 decides to apply for a
job
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 in a company. Even though it may sound materialistic,
but
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apply
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the
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apply
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basic needs can only be paid
with
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for with
show examples
 earnings.
For instance
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, the necessity of a family
consist
Wrong verb form
consisting
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 of 3
people
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 absolutely requires more financial support from
head
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the head
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 of the family,
therefore
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instead
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 of applying for a
job
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 with
sole
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the sole
show examples
 purpose of working, it is more rational
that
Correct your spelling
than
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 counting every dollar
matter
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matters
show examples
. There are many more
example
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examples
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 since each individual may have
different
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a different
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 background, yet it will not lessen the importance of
salary
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.
Secondly
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, a high
salary
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 motivates high-achiever type of workers to
work
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 harder.
Although
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 certain big companies are known for massive
workload
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workloads
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,
yet
Rephrase
apply
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for some
people
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 it can be considered as a challenge.
For example
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, firms which provide service as
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 main business
such
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 as consulting firms or law firms, the workloads are known to be uncountable, but many workers with specified expertise still
work
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 there because they pay their
times
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time
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 well,
besides
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 the
job
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 is not stagnant. To summarize, a high
salary
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 plays a major role in determining
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people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 decision to choose or stay in
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job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
. That being said, I wholeheartedly support the discussion on the presence of a high
salary
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 is important.
Submitted by imsarunn on

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introduction conclusion present
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction and reinforce it in the conclusion. Both were present, but could be strengthened.
supported main points
Develop your paragraphs with clear topic sentences and subsequent explanations or examples. While points were made, the development was not always effectively supporting the main idea.
logical structure
Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and that all sentences within it clearly relate to that topic.
complete response
Your essay should directly address the question, ensuring you provide a balanced view if necessary before explaining your position. Make sure to address both parts of the prompt about salary and job satisfaction. While both aspects were mentioned, further development is necessary.
clear comprehensive ideas
Provide a clear and thorough explanation of your ideas, rather than making general statements without much support or elaboration.
relevant specific examples
Support your points with specifically relevant examples. While you have included some examples, they can be further detailed to better illustrate your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
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