Some people think that people should choose their job based on income in order to provide security to their families. Do you think money is an important factor when choosing a job? What other factors should be considered

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In our modern society, it is
alwaysa
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always
always a

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argued that for
better
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a better

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life
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of
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for

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them
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themselves

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and their
families
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families,

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employees should pay attention
on
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to

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economic
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the economic

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benefits earned from their work. To examine
this
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point of view,
this
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essay will examine
this
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question, and give my way of understanding
this
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issue and which aspects should
ne
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be

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noticed by employees before choosing their jobs. It is
immedeately
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immediately

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noticeable, that
a
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apply

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factor of income is the most common issue
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while
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when

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people plan their career path.
For example
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,almost all students
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are interest
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are interest

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interest
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interested
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their
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in their

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career possibilities at an early period of their study and can change their opinion several times. Incomes play a fundamental role in people`s
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives

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.
For instance
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,
they
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some

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can do some activities or travel all over the world several times
in
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apply

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a year
while
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others

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can not afford some types of activities.
Moreover
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, family security and
more
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the more

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caring
life
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of members
also
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depend on
money
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the money

The noun phrase money factor seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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factor. Especially, if the families have children ,the parents should provide them with nice education, food, comfortable
accomodation
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accommodation

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,
chothes
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clothes

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,some
medicaments
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medicament

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so forth.
In addition
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,
money
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the money

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factor makes society`s
life
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easier, full of positive
exsperience
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experience
experiences

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and comfort, which
increase
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increases

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life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

standart
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standards

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. If people can
earned
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earn

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more benefits they can
arcieve
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receive
achieve

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a
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apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun stability in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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financial stability ,
and
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apply

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change their lifestyle, and develop their professional skills.
On the other hand
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there are several different factors for planning their future job plans.
Environment
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The environment

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in
work
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the work

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studio is one of the
crutial
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crucial
critical

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part
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parts

The singular countable noun part follows the quantifier one of, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

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of
tandem
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a tandem

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. If the work environment
have
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has

The verb have does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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a
directly
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direct

It appears that the adverb directly is attempting to modify the noun influence. Consider replacing the adverb with an adjective.

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influence in a effective organization system in the companies.
Furthermore
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, workers must be
provedid
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provided

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by
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with

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safety and health
standarts
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standards

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in
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at

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a high level. Some jobs
such
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as
expluitation
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exploitation

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, building and others have risks.
To sum up
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,
financial
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the financial

The noun phrase financial aspect seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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aspect is significant for job satisfaction and
financial
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the financial

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stability of society and their family members.
However
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there are some
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other

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ther
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apply

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factors which affect job planning

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structure
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Introduce the topic, present arguments and relevant examples in the body, and provide a summary and your own opinion in the conclusion.
cohesion
Work on the logical flow of ideas. Use cohesive devices such as linking words to help the reader follow your argument.
paragraphing
Use paragraphs effectively, each one should contain one main idea and be clearly separated from the others.
task response
Stay on topic and ensure that all parts of the task are addressed. The essay should fully cover the prompt without drifting into irrelevant areas.
development and support
Offer clear, comprehensive ideas, supported by relevant examples. Make sure each argument you present is well-explained and supported by specific evidence or reasoning.
grammar
Correct and avoid grammatical errors, maintain consistent tense usage, and employ a variety of sentence structures.
spelling
Avoid spelling mistakes and typos, proofread your work before submission.
content development
Expand on given ideas and ensure the conclusion is consistent with the points made throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • job fulfillment
  • work-life integration
  • career progression
  • organizational culture
  • ethical alignment
  • sustainable employment
  • geographical proximity
  • social contribution
  • occupational health
  • creative autonomy
  • income potential
  • benefits package
  • professional development
  • commuter concerns
  • work environment
  • personal satisfaction
  • financial remuneration
  • industry stability
  • innovative capacity
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