IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

3)The two pie charts below show total world energy consumption and electricity generation for last year.

3)The two pie charts below show total world energy consumption and electricity generation for last year.
#two #show #world #energy #consumption #electricity #generation #year
The two pie charts
depicts
Change the verb form
depict
show examples
complete
Correct article usage
the complete
show examples
wrodl
Correct your spelling
world
energy
 demand,
moreover
electricity
Correct article usage
the electricity
show examples
 generation for use
last
 year. To start with, it's immediately
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 that in the
last
year
Add a comma
year,
show examples
 the usage
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
energy
 was one-third of
entire
Correct article usage
the entire
show examples
energy
 cost. After that Gas and Coal
production
 and intake were
totally
Rephrase
apply
show examples
20.9% and 25.1%.
Compired
Correct your spelling
Compared
 with
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
combustible renewables and waste
energy
 was
old-fashioned
Add an article
an old-fashioned
show examples
 style of it(10.6%).
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
 there were some uptake energies
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
under 10%.
However
energy
 cost for nuclear
still
Add a missing verb
is still
show examples
 6.5% looking at others.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 Hydro and Other
use
Fix the agreement mistake
uses
show examples
 of
energy
 were
steadly
Correct your spelling
steady
steadily
 2.2% and 0.4%.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand,
Correct article usage
the relatively
show examples
relatively
Change the word
relative
show examples
production
 of
energy
 for coal was
approxiametly
Correct your spelling
approximately
 40%.
Consequently
Add a comma
Consequently,
show examples
 half of the chart
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 dominated by Hydro, Nuclear, Gas
subsequently
 16.1%, 15.7% and 19.6%. Making
energy
 from oil was less popular(6.7%) and at
he
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 end 2.1% for the other
energy
 generation. From an
Overall
Fix capitalization
overall
show examples
 perspective, consuming 2 charts oil usage and
production
 dramatically differ,
while
 the other
production
quite
Add a missing verb
is quite
show examples
 enough for
cost
Add an article
the cost
show examples
Submitted by abdurahimov03 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, production with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: