IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some organizations and companies say older people are better as leaders while some say young people are better as leader. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#organizations #companies #people #leaders #say #leader
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Leadership
 skill is the most essential talent in people who are working in companies whether old or young. Some enterprises think that senior folks'
leadership
 quality is far better
due to
 experience.
However
, a few say that
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 generation's
leadership
 skill is best caused by advanced education with training . I strongly agree with the latter opinion and
this
 essay will discuss it briefly. On the one hand, young
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
' are far better as commenders in organisations because they have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advanced
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
 about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
leadership
 quality. Some people select their major course in
leadership
 management in college period and they want to enhance their career in
leadership
Add an article
the leadership
show examples
 field Like managers and team leaders.
For example
,
MBA
Correct article usage
the MBA
show examples
leadership
 management course is quite popular among the younger generations because they do not wait for long years to get
leader
Replace the word
leadership
show examples
 positions and they
also
 get more
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
while
 learning in Companies
such
 as Industrial
traning
Correct your spelling
training
.
On the other hand
, senior workers are doing good when they are working as
leader
Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
show examples
 in firms because they have more years of experience of how to buy
work
 from workers with
patient
Replace the word
patience
show examples
 and knowledge.
For instance
, when older folks
work
 as
leader
Add an article
a leader
show examples
 in
enterprise
Correct article usage
an enterprise
show examples
 the team get more knowledge about
work
 and how to do
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
work
 precisely, not only hard
work
 but
also
 smart
work
.
To conclude
,
leadership
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
is
Verb problem
play
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 crucial role in all organisations. Younger generations'
leadership
 talent can play best with advanced education and training; senior people are the best as
leader
Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
show examples
 with long years of experience.
Therefore
, I strongly agree
with
Change preposition
that
show examples
 the youth worker is doing great when they
be
Change the verb form
are
show examples
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
commender
Correct your spelling
commander
show examples
.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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task achievement
The main points of the argument were somewhat clear, but they could be enhanced with more comprehensive development and structure. Aim to formulate your ideas concisely and with more depth.
coherence cohesion
Work on crafting logical paragraphs with clear topic sentences that connect directly to the thesis statement. The use of linking words should also be more precise to improve the flow of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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