The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
The two circular charts illustrate, the total working hours and percentage in a certain nation for a variety of tasks in the years 1958 and 2008.In overview, between two different years 1958 and 2008, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
adults were practising many activities,
while
others were sleeping.
To begin
with, in 1958, a large number of humans were working with a total percentage of 33 and only two per cent
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
afford to travel to work.
Furthermore
, 32% of people preferred sleeping,
while
others went out with their family and friends or even
playing
Wrong verb form
played
show examples
sports
such
as football. Moreso, in 2008, a sharp increase was experienced for those who were always chill in their houses in 1958 and
this
is clearly shown, from 8% it increased to 13% in both years respectively.
Moreover
, a slight decline occurred, from 32 per cent down to 25%
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
adults who spend their time
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
bed and
also
Capitalize word
Also
show examples
in 1958 many were going out with their
lovely
Correct your spelling
loved
show examples
ones, but later on, in 2008, a
fewer
Correct word choice
smaller
show examples
number did
such
a thing which showed by hitting of lower point with a percentage of 6.
Submitted by cajaah93 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such, while".
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.

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