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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.
#amount #leisure #time #men #women #employment #status
The bar chart illustrates the volume of spare
time
 enjoyed by males and females of 5 different categories
employment
Change preposition
of employment
show examples
 from 1998 to 1999.
Overall
, it is evident that the data of employed
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
 and housewives just shown in women.
However
, the amount of free
time
 that men enjoyed was higher than
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 in 3 categories, namely employed
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
, unemployed and retired. In order to
employed
Add a missing verb
be employed
show examples
 full
time
, males had modestly more leisure
time
 than
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
, with roughly 45
hours
 of spare
time
 on a weekly
basic
Correct your spelling
basis
show examples
,
while
 accounted for under 40
hours
 in females.
In addition
,the figures for
unemployed
Correct article usage
the unemployed
show examples
 shared a similar number of
hours
 of leisure
time
 to that
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
retired
Correct article usage
the retired
show examples
, at approximately 85 and 75
hours
 of free
time
 per week, respectively. Housewives and employed
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
women
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
enjoyed about 50 and 40
hours
 respectively
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 free
time
 in a week and no data for
these sector
Change the determiner
this sector
these sectors
show examples
is given for men in the graph.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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