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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.
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The bar chart illustrates the volume of spare
time
Use synonyms
 enjoyed by males and females of 5 different categories
employment
Change preposition
of employment
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 from 1998 to 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the data of employed
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
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time
Use synonyms
 and housewives just shown in women.
However
Linking Words
, the amount of free
time
Use synonyms
 that men enjoyed was higher than
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
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 in 3 categories, namely employed
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
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time
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, unemployed and retired. In order to
employed
Add a missing verb
be employed
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 full
time
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, males had modestly more leisure
time
Use synonyms
 than
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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, with roughly 45
hours
Use synonyms
 of spare
time
Use synonyms
 on a weekly
basic
Correct your spelling
basis
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,
while
Linking Words
 accounted for under 40
hours
Use synonyms
 in females.
In addition
Linking Words
,the figures for
unemployed
Correct article usage
the unemployed
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 shared a similar number of
hours
Use synonyms
 of leisure
time
Use synonyms
 to that
in
Change preposition
of
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retired
Correct article usage
the retired
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, at approximately 85 and 75
hours
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 of free
time
Use synonyms
 per week, respectively. Housewives and employed
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
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women
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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enjoyed about 50 and 40
hours
Use synonyms
 respectively
in
Change preposition
of
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 free
time
Use synonyms
 in a week and no data for
these sector
Change the determiner
this sector
these sectors
show examples
is given for men in the graph.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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