IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some people believe that having a job you enjoy is more important than earning a high salary. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#minutes #topic #people #job #salary
Others believe that getting pleasant emotions from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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work
 is more valuable, rather than
to have
Change the verb form
having
show examples
 a well-paid
job
.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 I partially agree with
this
 as
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
enjoyable
work
 can help to reduce stress,
thus
 the earnings
also
 play a decisive role. Being working on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
enjoyable
work
 with an amiable team can positively influence mental health as there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 no stress, which sometimes becomes a reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 family quarrels and health issues. The minimum level of stress and
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
satisfaction from the
job
 can not only prevent some illnesses
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 have an effect on the other life aspects as there more energy appeared on doing
differ
Replace the word
different
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 things.
For instance
,
being
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by being
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 capable of doing some hobbies in
spare
Correct pronoun usage
their spare
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 time from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
, a person can accomplish their life with colourful events and devote more time
on
Change preposition
to
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 close people and themselves.
In contrast
, a high salary provides people
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 an opportunity
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
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 better
live
Replace the word
living
show examples
 standards as the cost on be it food products or clothes is over the top.
For instance
,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 consumption of high-quality food can prevent some health sicknesses as gastritis or other digestive problems. A well-paid
job
also
 is
money
Correct article usage
a money
show examples
 airbag,
this
 may give a chance to make savings
for
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in
show examples
 the case of tragic events requiring some money
be
Fix the infinitive
to be
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 spent
on
Change preposition
apply
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, like a fire in the apartment. The ability to expand personal horizons by travelling is
also
 non affordable factor for everybody because of the high cost
as well as
 other entertainments
such
 as either cinema or theatre.
Moreover
, both professional development or training courses, which are required to continue being able to
work
 at some
work
 positions, oftentimes are not paid by
employer
Add an article
the employer
show examples
. In conclusion, the income attained by
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
Correct article usage
a lager
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lager
Correct your spelling
larger
show examples
influences
Fix the agreement mistake
influence
show examples
 on
worker’s
Correct article usage
a worker’s
show examples
 life, rather than
job
 satisfaction.
Submitted by arinatiutina on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the topic, but the response is not fully developed. The introduction should clearly establish your position, and the conclusion should restate it with a sense of closure. Expand on your ideas with more depth and clarity for a complete response.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure needs improvement. Organize your essay with clear paragraphs for the introduction, body, and conclusion. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and avoid repetitive statements.
task achievement
Your main points require further support. Include specific, detailed examples and reasons that persuasively back your view. Avoid vague statements and generalize less.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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