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Band 4

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectaction of job satisfaction for all workers?

#people #part #adult #life #work #job #satisfaction #element #factors #expectaction #workers
People
 prefer to spend most of their adult time at
occupation
,
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
job
satisfaction
 become
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
 part of
Add an article
the wellbeing
show examples
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 of
individual
Add an article
an individual
the individual
show examples
. I think there are several factors that
are playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
 important roles in
job
satisfaction
such
 as
environment
, and a
number
 of
salary
Change to a plural noun
salaries
show examples
.
Job
satisfaction
 is really important for all workers in their do their
work
.
Firstly
,
environment
 and a
number
 of
salary
 are playing crucial roles in individual
job
satisfaction
.
Environment
Replace the word
Environmental
show examples
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 will influence the the performance of the workers. Because
environment
Correct article usage
an environment
show examples
 that has a good culture is going to support the development capabilities of
employee
Add an article
the employee
an employee
show examples
 in doing their
work
.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 company that has
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 culture and supportive
work
colleague
Fix the agreement mistake
colleagues
show examples
 will cause the individual
have
Add the particle
to have
show examples
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
 spirit in doing their responsibility and feel well guided and supported. A
number
 of
salary
Change to a plural noun
salaries
show examples
also
 becomes
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 consideration in
job
satisfaction
.
Appropriate
Correct article usage
An appropriate
show examples
salary
 will make the employee become
feal
Correct your spelling
feel
show examples
 appreciated and have big motivation.
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
salary
 becomes one of the top
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 why
people
 decide to
work
in
particular
Add an article
a particular
the particular
show examples
 company.
For instance
,
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
people
 tend to apply for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
company which
Replace the word
companies
show examples
 associated with
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it has
commensurate
Add an article
a commensurate
show examples
salary
 to meet their life
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
.
Secondly
, current society has
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
some
criterias
Correct your spelling
criteria
 as their expectation on
occupation
. In
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 situation
especially
Rephrase
apply
show examples
the
people
 who was categorized as Generation
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Z desire
occupation
 that has non-toxic
environment
 or
occupation
 that
recruited
Wrong verb form
recruit
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
work
-from-home employee. It was caused by many
job
Change to a plural noun
jobs
show examples
 that can be done from anywhere, because they just utilise technology capability. The
people
also
 expected the appropriate wages which
matct
Correct your spelling
match
matched
 with their regional minimum wage standards because the cost of
primarily
Change the word
primary
show examples
 needs
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
 to raise a high charge. In Conclusion,
people
 spend most of their adult period on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
, but they
also
 take care of
job
satisfaction
. There are several sectors that
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
impact
Correct article usage
an impact
show examples
 on
job
satisfaction
such
 as
environment
 and a
number
 of
salary
.
In addition
,
people
also
 have
expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 and appropriate
salary
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure. It is important to organize your essay into clear paragraphs including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported with relevant explanations and examples.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but do not adequately introduce or summarise the key points made in the essay. Your introduction should present the topic and outline your main points. The conclusion should summarise your argument without adding new information.
coherence cohesion
The main points in your essay are supported to some extent, but they lack development. Provide more detailed explanations, use a wider range of vocabulary, and include more concrete examples to back up your arguments.
task achievement
Your response partially addresses the task, mentioning some factors contributing to job satisfaction and the expectation of job satisfaction. However, you need to cover all parts of the task more fully by expanding on the factors, discussing how realistic the expectation of job satisfaction is for all workers, and providing deeper insights.
task achievement
Your ideas are presented but not always developed clearly or comprehensively. Strive to articulate your points with greater clarity and depth. Use a range of grammatical structures and vocabulary to express complex concepts effectively.
task achievement
While you provided some examples, they are not sufficiently specific or relevant to forcefully illustrate the point you are making. Enhance the quality of your essay by using examples that are directly related to the factors of job satisfaction you describe.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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