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Writing Samples
Band 4

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectaction of job satisfaction for all workers?

#people #part #adult #life #work #job #satisfaction #element #factors #expectaction #workers
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People
Use synonyms
 prefer to spend most of their adult time at
occupation
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,
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
job
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satisfaction
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 become
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
 part of
Add an article
the wellbeing
show examples
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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 of
individual
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an individual
the individual
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. I think there are several factors that
are playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
 important roles in
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
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such
Linking Words
 as
environment
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, and a
number
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 of
Use synonyms
salary
Change to a plural noun
salaries
show examples
.
Job
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satisfaction
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 is really important for all workers in their do their
work
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
environment
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 and a
number
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 of
salary
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 are playing crucial roles in individual
job
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satisfaction
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.
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Environment
Replace the word
Environmental
show examples
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 will influence the the performance of the workers. Because
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environment
Correct article usage
an environment
show examples
 that has a good culture is going to support the development capabilities of
employee
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the employee
an employee
show examples
 in doing their
work
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.
For example
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 company that has
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 culture and supportive
work
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colleague
Fix the agreement mistake
colleagues
show examples
 will cause the individual
have
Add the particle
to have
show examples
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
 spirit in doing their responsibility and feel well guided and supported. A
number
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 of
Use synonyms
salary
Change to a plural noun
salaries
show examples
also
Linking Words
 becomes
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 consideration in
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
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.
Appropriate
Correct article usage
An appropriate
show examples
salary
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 will make the employee become
feal
Correct your spelling
feel
show examples
 appreciated and have big motivation.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
salary
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 becomes one of the top
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 why
people
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 decide to
work
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in
Linking Words
particular
Add an article
a particular
the particular
show examples
 company.
For instance
Linking Words
,
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
people
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 tend to apply for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
company which
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companies
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 associated with
government
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the government
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it has
commensurate
Add an article
a commensurate
show examples
salary
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 to meet their life
need
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needs
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, current society has
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
some
criterias
Correct your spelling
criteria
 as their expectation on
occupation
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. In
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 situation
especially
Rephrase
apply
show examples
the
people
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 who was categorized as Generation
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Z desire
occupation
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 that has non-toxic
environment
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 or
occupation
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 that
recruited
Wrong verb form
recruit
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
-from-home employee. It was caused by many
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job
Change to a plural noun
jobs
show examples
 that can be done from anywhere, because they just utilise technology capability. The
people
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also
Linking Words
 expected the appropriate wages which
matct
Correct your spelling
match
matched
 with their regional minimum wage standards because the cost of
primarily
Change the word
primary
show examples
 needs
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
 to raise a high charge. In Conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 spend most of their adult period on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
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, but they
also
Linking Words
 take care of
job
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satisfaction
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. There are several sectors that
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
impact
Correct article usage
an impact
show examples
 on
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
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such
Linking Words
 as
environment
Use synonyms
 and a
number
Use synonyms
 of
salary
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
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also
Linking Words
 have
expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
Use synonyms
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 and appropriate
salary
Use synonyms
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure. It is important to organize your essay into clear paragraphs including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported with relevant explanations and examples.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but do not adequately introduce or summarise the key points made in the essay. Your introduction should present the topic and outline your main points. The conclusion should summarise your argument without adding new information.
coherence cohesion
The main points in your essay are supported to some extent, but they lack development. Provide more detailed explanations, use a wider range of vocabulary, and include more concrete examples to back up your arguments.
task achievement
Your response partially addresses the task, mentioning some factors contributing to job satisfaction and the expectation of job satisfaction. However, you need to cover all parts of the task more fully by expanding on the factors, discussing how realistic the expectation of job satisfaction is for all workers, and providing deeper insights.
task achievement
Your ideas are presented but not always developed clearly or comprehensively. Strive to articulate your points with greater clarity and depth. Use a range of grammatical structures and vocabulary to express complex concepts effectively.
task achievement
While you provided some examples, they are not sufficiently specific or relevant to forcefully illustrate the point you are making. Enhance the quality of your essay by using examples that are directly related to the factors of job satisfaction you describe.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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