Some people think that only staff who worked in a company for a long time should be promoted to a higher position. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, it’s very common that a person who has worked with the
company
for a long period of time will be treated better and promoted to a higher position. I suppose that is
because they’re more experienced and ready to carry more responsibilities. However
, I suggest that it shouldn’t be the only condition for getting the promotion. For that reason given, I have to disagree with the given statement.
The majority of people who work in a company
want to be successful and
because the higher their position, the more successful they will be. Correct word choice
apply
Therefore
, it’s common for them to demand a promotion. Although
it’s not an easy task for them to complete,
because often the Remove the comma
apply
company
refuses to give them a promotion as they’re not working with them for long enough.
I believe that the company
shouldn’t judge the quality of the person by just the number of years, instead
of
capability is the indication. Correct word choice
apply
For instance
, their sales, dedication or achievement.
In conclusion, modern day
society Add a hyphen
modern-day
emphasize
the years of work over everything which is just numbers and cannot be used to judge the value of that person. Rather than that, the Correct subject-verb agreement
emphasizes
company
has to look deep down to see their
true potential.Correct pronoun usage
its
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and logical structure, making it difficult to follow your argument. Consider organizing your ideas into clear paragraphs, each with a clear topic sentence and supporting details. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph logically flows to the next with appropriate linking words.
coherence cohesion
You have presented an introduction and conclusion, but they are not very effective. Your introduction should clearly state your thesis and outline the main points of your discussion. Similarly, your conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your position clearly.
coherence cohesion
While you attempted to support your main points, the support provided is not very strong or developed. Use specific examples, data or case studies to reinforce your arguments, and explain how these examples support your points.
task achievement
Your essay only partially addresses the task. A more thorough response is required, where you discuss both sides of the argument (why some people believe senior employees should be promoted and why others believe promotions should be based on other factors) and then clearly state your position. This will enhance your task achievement score.
task achievement
The ideas in your essay are somewhat clear, but they need to be expressed more comprehensively. Expand on your ideas by explaining them in more detail and providing more thorough arguments to support your opinions.
task achievement
Your essay needs to include more relevant, specific examples that are directly related to the topic. Try to provide real-world instances or hypothetical scenarios that closely tie into the points you're making, as this will greatly strengthen your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.