IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #aim #science #people #lives
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Scientific developments are occurring at a great rate but some of them do not seem to be of help to
people
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. In fact, sometimes scientific innovations are regretted by those who invented them.
This
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essat
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essay
 will argue that science should never harm
people
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 but
scientists
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 should aim to
further
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 their understanding as much as to improve
people
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's
lives
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. On one hand, there is a strong argument that the public good should be the top
priotiry
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priority
 for
scientists
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. They are the ones who have the potential to make discoveries and invent things that can change the world. Electricity, modern medicine, telecommunications and the internet are just some of the scientific innovations that have changed
lives
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 for the better.
On the other hand
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, sometimes
scientists
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 do research just in the hope of adding to their knowledge.
While
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 they should make absolutely sure that their experiments do no harm, they may not know until they have finished how their findings will be used and whether they will improve
people
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's
lives
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. The scientist Nobel invented dynamite to help with mining, not knowing that it would one day be used in weapons, and the scientist who discovered the life-saving drug
penicilin
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penicillin
 did so quite by chance.
Overall
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, it seems that science should improve the
lives
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 of
people
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 and that ought to be one of its aims.
However
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, knowledge and discovery are aims in themselves and are just as important for
scientists
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. Sometimes
scientists
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 do not know how their scientific breakthroughs will be used until their work is done.
Submitted by nadin45681 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay presents a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but there is room for improvement in linking ideas and using cohesive devices to make the argument flow more naturally between points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be improved to better paraphrase and summarise the essay's main points and stance on the topic, providing a clearer position for the reader.
coherence cohesion
The main points of the essay are supported to some extent, but more elaboration and stronger, clear examples could enhance the argument's persuasiveness and relevance.
task achievement
While the response is complete, and the essay addresses the task, expanding on ideas and exploring the topic more deeply would lead to a higher band score. Avoid generalisations and strive to fully develop your arguments.
task achievement
Present clear and comprehensive ideas, ensuring that your position regarding the statement is unambiguous throughout the essay. Strengthen the introduction and conclusion to reflect your overall viewpoint more clearly.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. The ones provided are a good start, but additional, more detailed examples could further bolster your points and demonstrate a deep understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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