IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that the activities of large multinational corporations mostly benefit the economies of developing countries. Other people take the opposite view and feel that these large multinationals are generally harmful. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

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There are people who believe that multinational enterprises are good for the local economy of developing nations,
whereas
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 other people argue that these international companies bring negative consequences. I think there are pros and cons, which will detailed in the next lines. The first view can be supported by the fact that these large organizations create several jobs, and they are responsible for introducing new technologies in poor countries.
Furthermore
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, they collaborate to elevate the average salary in these underdeveloped states, attracting the best talents in areas like engineering, marketing, and sales,
for instance
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.
Moreover
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, it contributes to increasing the educational level and promotes the learning of languages,
such
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 as English, German, and Spanish, depending on the nationality of these corporations.
On the other hand
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, the presence of these huge multinationals can break down local
industry
Fix the agreement mistake
industries
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 and small businesses.
This
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 occurs because it is too difficult for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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regional companies to compete with big businesses, especially on price and quality.
Besides
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, the profits of all activity in underdeveloped countries are sent to the country of origin,
as well as
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 the main tax.
In addition
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, in the long term, the economy becomes dependent on international policies and dollar exchange rates. In conclusion, there are advantages and disadvantages, but I think the pros overcome the cons. It is necessary
laws
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to laws
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 and regulations to avail the good points and avoid the drawbacks. I believe that there are many more benefits,
however
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, the local government must regulate some aspects to protect the small and local enterprises, whether by giving subsidies or promoting free and healthy competition.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure consistent logical structure throughout the essay. The first paragraph needs to introduce the topic more effectively. Build paragraphs with clear, well-connected arguments.
coherence cohesion
Include an effective introduction and conclusion that clearly state the essay topic and your position. The essay's conclusion should be more concise and summarize the arguments made.
coherence cohesion
Develop main points with specific details. While you have provided some explanation for each view, adding clear, relevant examples would strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. Make sure your opinion is clearly stated and directly answers the question. Expand on your views so they are developed as fully as those you discuss of others.
task achievement
Present ideas comprehensively by expanding on them with appropriate detail and depth. The general statements made would benefit from more specific examples and more focused development.
task achievement
Provide more relevant, specific examples to support your arguments. This will help to demonstrate deeper knowledge of the topic and strengthen the credibility of the essay.
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