IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

You have just received a credit card statement from your bank. The statement lists a number of expensive purchases that you are sure you did not make. Write a letter to the bank manager. In the letter: • Introduce yourself. • Explain that you did not buy the items listed. • Say what you would like the bank to do to fix the problem

#credit #card #bank #lists #purchases #manager #items
Dear Sir/Madam My name is Vitor, I am a Thai monk.
l
 have been living in London for 3 months. As you know, I have been using a credit card for 2 months. I am writing
this
 letter to you because
l
 have a problem with my credit card. Yesterday, I just received notice on my credit card statement that I bought more expensive items.
l
 would like to let you know that I did not make it
according to
 the statement lists shown. I think
this
 is a mistake that comes from your system errors. To solve and prevent
this
 problem that might occur in the future,
l
 would like to suggest some good ways.
Firstly
, the bank should immediately freeze the bank account as soon as gets notice from the user.
Second,
you have to create quality protection systems in order to inspect every movement in the user's account. I hope that you will take my advice into consideration. Yours Faithfully, Victor
Submitted by mahawichet on

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task achievement
Ensure to introduce yourself more clearly, as the first paragraph lacked clarity. Use complete sentences and provide your credit card details to authenticate your claim.
task achievement
Your tone was fairly suitable, but more formal language would make the letter more appropriate for correspondence with a bank manager.
coherence and cohesion
Organize thoughts more logically, ensuring a clear problem description, proposed solutions, and a polite request for action.
coherence and cohesion
Use a more coherent structure, introducing the issue, explaining the situation, and concluding with a reasonable request. Each paragraph should be centred on a single coherent idea.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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