IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Leaders and directors in an organization are normally older people. Some people think younger leader would be better. Do you agree or disagree?

#leaders #directors #organization #people #leader
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It’s obvious that the
leader
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 of an
organisation
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 will usually be an experienced elder
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people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
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. Sticking on
such
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trend
Correct article usage
a trend
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, some
people
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 argue that even young
people
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 can take a lead
of
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in
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 an
organisation
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. I certainly disagree with the statement. Inexperienced young individuals are not fit for a
leader
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.
For instance
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, you are pretty smart and a recent college graduate without having much
experience
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 in the
relavent
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relevant
 field. If you become a
leader
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 of an
organisation
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, you will
be lacking
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lack
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 certain qualities of a
leader
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, including
personel
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personnel
personal
relation
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relations
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,
Correct word choice
and, wide
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wide
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a wide
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 range of
experience
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 in the field which may lead to
fail
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failure in
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 the responsibilities.
Therefore
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, certain qualities of a
leader
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 must
obtain
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be obtained
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 through
experience
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.
However
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, there are other
group
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groups
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 of
people
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 who think that
the
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apply
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young individuals can lead an
organisation
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 as long as they possess the
qualification
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qualifications
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. They
reasons
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reason
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out
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apply
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by stating an example of a
leader
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 who can perform his duty on time and make his co-members
to
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apply
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follow his
advises
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advice
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 and
held
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hold
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 some conferences.
This
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 is not all about the
leader
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, he must be able to solve the problems associated with the
organisation
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 and the conflicts within the members.
This
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 can only be
able
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apply
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negotiate
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negotiated
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 by those who have spent much of their time in the preexisting working environment.
In
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addition
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addition,
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 the older with
the
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apply
show examples
experience
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,
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apply
show examples
 will get more moral support than the fresher ones. So elderly
people
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 are
ment
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meant
 le lead an
organisation
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.
To conclude
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,
experience
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 matters
to lead
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in leading
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 an
organisation
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 . So younger
people
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 must
exclude
Wrong verb form
be excluded
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 from
leaders
Correct article usage
the leaders
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 list.
Then
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 the
organisation
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 will prosper.
Submitted by rinchennima77 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay does not present ideas in a clear logical structure. Sentences often do not follow coherently from one to the next, making it difficult for the reader to follow the line of reasoning. Paragraphing needs to be improved to help delineate main ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they are not effective in framing the discussion, nor do they introduce or conclude the ideas strongly.
coherence cohesion
Main points are somewhat supported, but the supporting explanations are not fully developed, and there is a lack of clear, specific examples to substantiate the claims made.
task achievement
The response is complete but lacks depth and development of ideas. The essay needs to directly address all parts of the task in a more detailed and extended manner.
task achievement
The essay's ideas are not comprehensive or clear, and they require further development and substantiation to make a strong argument.
task achievement
The essay does not effectively use relevant, specific examples to support the main points. The inclusion of more detailed examples would enhance the argument's effectiveness.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Hierarchy
  • Leadership style
  • Innovation
  • Experience
  • Technological advancement
  • Adaptability
  • Visionary
  • Enthusiasm
  • Diversity
  • Management
  • Workplace dynamics
  • Authority
  • Respect
  • Mentorship
  • Digital transformation
  • Long-term strategy
  • Modern business context
  • Motivation
  • Professional growth
  • Strategic decisions
What to do next:
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