IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that time spent on television, video and computer games can be valuable for children. Others believe this has negative effects on a child. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #television #video #computer #games #children #effects #child
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is common nowadays in the early 20s technologies are getting bigger. The digital world is easy to access anywhere, anytime by everyone without the exception of children. Some society think that spending
time
 on television and
video
games
 has some advantages, In my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
opinion,
show examples
 spending
time
 on
games
 and TV sacrifices every moment with the most important people in your life. It is widely believed that
video
games
 and television are a great source of entertainment to cope with boredom. They
also
 help people wind down and relax after a stressful day at work.
Moreover
, many
video
games
 require kids to analyze complex situations and make informed decisions to advance in the game outcome stimulate their critical thinking encourage their creativity and boost their problem-solving
skills
. There is no denying that, Digital entertainment causes addiction. Another special consideration in
this
 case is that kids who are addicted, end up playing
video
games
 and electronic media for multiple hours at a stretch without taking a break except for something necessary.
As a result
 children only spend limited
time
 interacting with their friends and family in a real atmosphere, it is
affected
Wrong verb form
affects
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their quality and quantity of social
skills
. That’s why parents have an important role
to put
Change preposition
in putting
show examples
 limits on their
child’s
Fix the agreement mistake
children’s
show examples
 gaming.
To conclude
, there are equal advantages and disadvantages to kids wasting
time
 on electronic accessories. They can be beneficial to their creativity and problem-solving
skills
.
However
, from my
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
show examples
 individuals addicted to
video
 can lack their social
skills
.
Submitted by allyshaprista on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs follow a clear and logical structure. Each paragraph should contain one main idea that is supported by relevant examples or explanations.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use cohesive devices appropriately to link ideas within and across paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Fully address all parts of the task, showing that you can discuss both views and give your own opinion effectively.
Task Achievement
Elaborate your main points by providing more detailed examples and explanations to support your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: