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Band 5.5

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #university #students #study #subjects #future #science #technology
Many
people
 consider that students need to choose
subjects
 that will be functional in
society
 in a few years.
However
, I would say that the best choice is to study
subjects
 that they like. There is an opinion that studying
subjects
 that may be necessary for a few years is better than studying
subjects
 they are passionate about.
Firstly
, they claim that studying
subjects
 that will be useful in the future is the reason for the development of our generation.
For example
, there will be more scientists, and there will be great competition between them, which will lead to the invention of new inventions.
Secondly
, they will not be out of work and their profession will definitely be relevant.
For example
, nowadays an IT specialist is an actual profession and they are the right workers in any field.
However
, I would like to say that choosing
subjects
 that you like has more arguments than studying
subjects
 that will be useful in the future. If everyone studies the
subjects
 they like, it will lead to harmony in
society
.
For example
, if all
people
 become inventors and learn from them, it will lead to chaos, or rather, there will be no
people
 left who would work in other jobs. And if
people
 choose their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
subjects
, the variety of professions will attract
society
 to hormones, since each profession has its own place in
society
. Another reason is that by studying a fond subject, students face fewer challenges to stay motivated;
thus
, if they face difficulties, they are very likely to overcome them and obtain strong credentials.
For instance
, a friend of mine who is fond of materials science studies more than ten hours a day and never gives up when some unappealing results are obtained. In conclusion,
while
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
people
 think that studying
subjects
 which can be useful in the future is the reason for the development of our generation, I would agree that studying the
subjects
 they like, will lead to harmony in
society
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Introduction/Conclusion
Your essay lacks a coherent and articulate introduction and conclusion which are essential for setting the premise and summarizing the argument, respectively.
Logical Structure
The essay does not possess a clear logical structure. Paragraphs and ideas are not connected in a way that would facilitate the reader's comprehension.
Supported Main Points
While you presented your main points, they lack substantiation with strong examples, reducing the overall effectiveness of the argument.
Complete Response
Your response partially addresses the prompt but fails to discuss both sides with depth and balance, and thus does not fully meet the task requirements.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
Your presentation of ideas is somewhat unclear and not articulated in a comprehensive manner; strive for clarity and depth in presenting your arguments.
Relevant Specific Examples
Lack of specific examples makes the argument weak; providing relevant and compelling examples would greatly strengthen your position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • engagement
  • excel
  • innovative contributions
  • diversity in research
  • well-rounded education
  • broad perspectives
  • critical thinking skills
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • forced academic paths
  • job-ready
  • skills shortages
  • tech-driven economy
  • employment rates
  • changing job market
  • utilitarian subjects
  • aptitudes
  • wasting talent
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