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Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in University in many countries. Why? Effects on society

#students #science #subjects #university #countries #effects #society
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In current years, there is a
lack
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 of
students
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 choosing scientific majors in higher education schools in several parts of the world.
This
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 trend may be caused by some reason and leave some consequences on society. There are some reasons that may deter
students
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to choose
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from choosing
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science
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 subjects.
Firstly
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,
people
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 think that it is too difficult for
students
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 to take in the knowledge.
For example
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,
science
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 relies heavily on memorization. To understand scientific concepts,
students
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 need to be able to remember a large amount of information. The second reason is some
people
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 have biases about scientific majors
such
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 as
students
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 in the sciences field may
be find
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find
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 it difficult to
looking
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look
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 for a good job after graduation.
Moreover
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, they think that if study
science
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, it will be difficult to apply it in life. The final reason is
students
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 may be required to purchase laboratory equipment to participate in school activities.
For example
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,
students
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 have to purchase test tubes, microscopes, and chemicals to use in the laboratory. From the above problem, we can see that the
lack
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 of
students
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 choosing
science
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 subjects has
Correct article usage
an impacts
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impacts
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impact
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 on society.
Firstly
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,
people
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 can be deceived
due to
Linking Words
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lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of basic scientific knowledge.
This
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 thing leads to pretty serious issues
such
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 as
people
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 having health and financial problems when they easily put their trust in advertisements for drugs and functional foods.
Secondly
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,
this
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 problem leads to a shortage of
science
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-involved
labor
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labour
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while
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 some other industries have excess human resources, causing an imbalance in the job market. In conclusion, there
is
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are
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 a number of reasons for the
lack
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 of
students
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 choosing
science
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 majors
such
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 as
difficult
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difficulty
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to learn
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in learning
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as well as
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 bias about
this
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 major.
Therefore
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, it leads to problems in society
such
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 as
people
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 lacking knowledge and industries lacking
labor
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labour
show examples
 resources. To deal with
this
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 problem, the government needs to motivate
students
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 to make the right choices in
science
Use synonyms
Submitted by thuhuyen16992qn on

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coherence cohesion
The essay requires better structure and clearer paragraphing. Each paragraph should deal with one specific idea, and the transition between paragraphs must be smoothened through the use of linking words to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
You need to develop your main points more effectively. Rather than simply stating a reason or effect, you should elaborate with clear explanations or detailed examples relevant to the topic to support your argument.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the prompt, but it needs more focused and developed ideas. Both reasons and effects should be thoroughly explored and related to the societal impact in a clearer manner.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, analyze the causes and consequences in detail. Pay attention to the prompt and ensure that every part of the question is addressed. Provide more specific examples to strengthen your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • deter
  • promotion
  • opportunities
  • role models
  • lucrative
  • employment
  • gender stereotypes
  • societal norms
  • access to information
  • technological stagnation
  • shortage
  • skilled professionals
  • innovation
  • healthcare sector
  • workforce
  • global competitiveness
  • advancements
  • economic growth
  • public health services
  • environmental sciences
  • combat climate change
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