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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The chart below shows figures for attendances at hospital emergency care departments in Northern Ireland by age group in December 2016 and 2017.

The chart below shows figures for attendances at hospital emergency care departments in Northern Ireland by age group in December 2016 and 2017.
#figures #attendances #emergency #care #departments #ireland #age #group #december
The bar graph gives information about the patient attendances of the
emaergency
Correct your spelling
emergency
 care departments of a hospital which is situated in Northern Ireland in the month of December
in
Change preposition
apply
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2016 and 2017. The amount is
mesured
Correct your spelling
measured
 in
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
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.
Overall
. it is evident that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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very young and very old people's admission in the hospital is high.
However
,
age
Correct article usage
the age
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 group
from5-15
Correct your spelling
from 5-15
 patients admission is quite low.And in 2017
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
patients
Change to a genitive case
patient's
patients'
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 attendance
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased in all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age
 groups in
comparing
Replace the word
comparison
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 to
2016
Correct article usage
the 2016
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 In
december
Change the capitalization
December
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 2016, the number of
age
 group 75 &over was 62000
while
 it increased in 2017(64000). The number of patient attendance
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 45-64 and 65-74 are almost the same.
Submitted by rokhsana.sworna on

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • chart analysis
  • attendances
  • emergency care departments
  • trend
  • age group
  • patient admissions
  • year-on-year comparison
  • statistical variation
  • healthcare system
  • data interpretation
  • percentage increase/decrease
  • demographics
  • healthcare planning
  • resource management
  • peak times
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