IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #show #stages #equipment #process #cement #purposes #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The diagrams illustrate the way in which
cement
Use synonyms
 is made and
then
Linking Words
 how it is used to produce
a concrete
Remove the article
concrete
a block of concrete
a hunk of concrete
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
producing
Replace the word
the production
show examples
 of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
cement
Use synonyms
 goes through multiple stages of mixing and heating. Concrete production mostly consists of
just
Rephrase
apply
show examples
mixing several products.
Firstly
Linking Words
, limestone and clay
are goes
Change the verb form
go
show examples
 through
crusher
Add an article
a crusher
show examples
, after which
lands
Correct subject-verb agreement
land
show examples
 in a powder. After going through the mixer, it goes to
rotating
Correct article usage
a rotating
show examples
 heater where the elements are heated.
Next,
Linking Words
heated elements
lands
Fix the agreement mistake
land
show examples
 and
goes
Correct subject-verb agreement
go
show examples
 through
grinder
Add an article
the grinder
a grinder
show examples
 and
as a result
Linking Words
, we can see
cement
Use synonyms
. For
producing
Replace the word
production
show examples
 of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
concrete
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 15%
cement
Use synonyms
, 10% water, 25% sand and 50%
gravels
Fix the agreement mistake
gravel
show examples
, which are small stones. All of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 products
goes
Change the verb form
go
show examples
 through
special
Correct article usage
a special
show examples
 concrete mixer and
as a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 can get concrete.
Submitted by shakhzodbek.bakhtiyorov on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as a result".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cement with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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