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Band 2.5

Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. Why? What are the effects on society?

#students #science #subjects #university #countries #effects #society
To begin
 with, universities offer a
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 amount of courses to study nowadays, but the majority of students
doesn'
Correct subject-verb agreement
don't
show examples
t
 choose
science
 subjects as their main academic work.
Although
science
 program was widespread in the past. In fact,
due to
 the limited selection of subjects to study
and that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people could've a secure life. But as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time goes
, scholars
Change preposition
on, scholars
show examples
 pick more effortless and amusing lessons to succeed in. No doubt, that scientists
doesn'
Change the verb form
don't
show examples
t
 have a glamorous and popular life, mostly they are busy with new discoveries and theories,
that's
Correct word choice
and that's
show examples
 why we probably
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
won'
t
 see them
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
such
 events. As we all know
science
 includes Physics, Chemistry, Biology and Math,
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 can be challenging for education applicants
that's
Unnecessary verb
that
show examples
 can be another reason why they decline to be part of
this
 circle.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
this
 can cause a genuine issue
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
a big technological companies
Correct the article-noun agreement
big technological companies
a big technological company
show examples
 won'
t
 have enough employees to work with. Just because of the lack of interested persons, the whole empire can stagger, and
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
show examples
 will be enormous. That's why,
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should start to encourage interested students into
science
Correct article usage
the science
show examples
 community without forcing
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 do
this
, but by helping with
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 and employment in their bright future.
Submitted by sofiaavramenko0906 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential for structuring the response effectively. A concise introduction that outlines the topic and a clear conclusion summarising the arguments would enhance this aspect.
Coherence & Cohesion
There is a need for better logical structuring of the essay. Ideas should be organized into clear paragraphs with topic sentences that express the main idea followed by supporting sentences.
Task Achievement
The points made in the essay are relevant but require further development and support through specific examples or evidence. Introducing concrete examples to illustrate points would improve the response.
Task Achievement
The response to the task is incomplete and the ideas presented need to be more fully extended and better supported. While a beginning attempt to address the prompt has been made, it does not comprehensively cover the 'why' and 'effects on society' aspects as required by the question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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