IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people say that providing access to clean water should be the main focus for international aid organizations. Others say that there are more important uses for international aid. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #access #water #focus #aid #organizations
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 advocate the idea that international help organizations should first concentrate on providing
people
Use synonyms
 with clean
water
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,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 others argue that more vital
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
 should be met by them. Both sides of the argument present rational ideas which will be elaborated. On the one hand, the most important reason to access healthy
water
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by
Change preposition
in
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 international sectors is that
water
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 is one
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 basic needs and
people
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 cannot live without drinking healthy
water
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, it is as crucial as
breath
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breathing
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 to continue our
life
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.
In addition
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, clean
water
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 plays a major part in our health.
That is
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. If messes suffer from lack of clean
water
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, they will be faced with many physical problems
such
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 as
,
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apply
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 infection and some other diseases.
This
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 may affect
Correct article usage
an individual’s’
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individual’s’
Correct your spelling
individual’s
life
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 expectancy and
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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quality of
life
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.
On the other hand
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, opponents are of the opinion that more significant uses should be considered for these international organizations
such
Linking Words
 as providing medicine. Since some countries
are not well equip
Change the verb form
are not well equipped
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 with drugs
producing
Wrong verb form
produced
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by
Change preposition
with
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 good materials and advanced methods,
so
Rephrase
apply
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good medicines are not accessible
for
Change preposition
to
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 patients. To put it differently, the more quality drugs are available for them the longer
life
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 they can possess. Some kinds of medicines can have a positive effect on making
people
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 healthy and vanishing the causes of illnesses .
Hence
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, drugs are more essential. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there are convincing ideas about the mentioned topic, I strongly believe that access to healthy
water
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 is far more important than other needs, since it can help us enjoy with healthy and longer
life
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.
Submitted by zahra.hmt88 on

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coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear and consistent structure with logical connectors to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction and conclusion to frame your essay, which you did. However, make sure they clearly state the essay's purpose and summarise the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with clear examples and explanations, using relevant, concrete examples where possible for stronger impact.
task achievement
Respond to all parts of the task, ensuring that your response is complete and covers all aspects of the prompt.
task achievement
Organize ideas clearly and logically, making sure the ideas are comprehensive and easily understandable.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Your essay should demonstrate an understanding of the topic through the use of concrete examples, which you did to some extent, but further development is needed.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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