Many people say that providing access to clean water should be the main focus for international aid organizations. Others say that there are more important uses for international aid. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Some
people
advocate the idea that international help organizations should first concentrate on providing people
with clean water
, however
others argue that more vital Add a comma
however,
need
should be met by them. Both sides of the argument present rational ideas which will be elaborated.
On the one hand, the most important reason to access healthy Fix the agreement mistake
needs
water
by
international sectors is that Change preposition
in
water
is one the
basic needs and Change preposition
of the
people
cannot live without drinking healthy water
, it is as crucial as breath
to continue our Replace the word
breathing
life
. In addition
, clean water
plays a major part in our health. That is
. If messes suffer from lack of clean water
, they will be faced with many physical problems such
as,
infection and some other diseases. Remove the comma
apply
This
may affect Correct article usage
an individual’s’
individual’s’
Correct your spelling
individual’s
life
expectancy and their
quality of Correct pronoun usage
apply
life
.
On the other hand
, opponents are of the opinion that more significant uses should be considered for these international organizations such
as providing medicine. Since some countries are not well equip
with drugs Change the verb form
are not well equipped
producing
Wrong verb form
produced
by
good materials and advanced methods, Change preposition
with
so
good medicines are not accessible Rephrase
apply
for
patients. To put it differently, the more quality drugs are available for them the longer Change preposition
to
life
they can possess. Some kinds of medicines can have a positive effect on making people
healthy and vanishing the causes of illnesses .Hence
, drugs are more essential.
In conclusion, although
there are convincing ideas about the mentioned topic, I strongly believe that access to healthy water
is far more important than other needs, since it can help us enjoy with healthy and longer life
.Submitted by zahra.hmt88 on
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coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear and consistent structure with logical connectors to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction and conclusion to frame your essay, which you did. However, make sure they clearly state the essay's purpose and summarise the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with clear examples and explanations, using relevant, concrete examples where possible for stronger impact.
task achievement
Respond to all parts of the task, ensuring that your response is complete and covers all aspects of the prompt.
task achievement
Organize ideas clearly and logically, making sure the ideas are comprehensive and easily understandable.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Your essay should demonstrate an understanding of the topic through the use of concrete examples, which you did to some extent, but further development is needed.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?