Many people say that providing access to clean water should be the main focus for international aid organizations. Others say that there are more important uses for international aid. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some
people
advocate the idea that international help organizations should first concentrate on providing
people
with clean
water
,
however
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however,
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others argue that more vital
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
should be met by them. Both sides of the argument present rational ideas which will be elaborated. On the one hand, the most important reason to access healthy
water
by
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in
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international sectors is that
water
is one
the
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of the
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basic needs and
people
cannot live without drinking healthy
water
, it is as crucial as
breath
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breathing
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to continue our
life
.
In addition
, clean
water
plays a major part in our health.
That is
. If messes suffer from lack of clean
water
, they will be faced with many physical problems
such
as
,
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apply
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infection and some other diseases.
This
may affect
Correct article usage
an individual’s’
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individual’s’
Correct your spelling
individual’s
life
expectancy and
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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quality of
life
.
On the other hand
, opponents are of the opinion that more significant uses should be considered for these international organizations
such
as providing medicine. Since some countries
are not well equip
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are not well equipped
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with drugs
producing
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produced
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by
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with
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good materials and advanced methods,
so
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apply
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good medicines are not accessible
for
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to
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patients. To put it differently, the more quality drugs are available for them the longer
life
they can possess. Some kinds of medicines can have a positive effect on making
people
healthy and vanishing the causes of illnesses .
Hence
, drugs are more essential. In conclusion,
although
there are convincing ideas about the mentioned topic, I strongly believe that access to healthy
water
is far more important than other needs, since it can help us enjoy with healthy and longer
life
.
Submitted by zahra.hmt88 on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Include an introduction and conclusion to frame your essay, which you did. However, make sure they clearly state the essay's purpose and summarise the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with clear examples and explanations, using relevant, concrete examples where possible for stronger impact.
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task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Your essay should demonstrate an understanding of the topic through the use of concrete examples, which you did to some extent, but further development is needed.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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